Peek from the Past

As soon as I laid my back on my bed. Exhausted. I can say that today is one of the usual days that's really, totally draining. Staring back at the gloomy clouds outside my window, which obviously signifies a coming rain, just exactly as I thought when the rain began to finally pour out after a few minutes. Watching every drop, averted my thoughts back in my teenage years. How can I ever forgot my young, curious, and ignorant 15 years old self lying on the same bed here in my room, pressured by my parents, my studies, family peers, life situations and people around me, I vividly remember how much I really really hated my life back then. That I've always wished and wanted to grow up so fast, to become an adult, to finally being able to step out of this room and get rid of my own comfort bed. To finally live on my own, to become independent, to finally being able to stand for my own sake. That I don't need to do this, do that and all, anymore. In short, I was so desperate for total freedom from my parents, pressures and the environment around me during my teenage years, when in fact I always have the freedom that I needed but hey, not the kind that I've always wanted. The way I viewed and see things around me back then was so limited and inadequate.

The same picturesque often happen as time slowly passed by. Being the eldest child that has a rebellious mindset during my younger years, my journey has been tough and rough. Really. It's just so dull, given the fact that I may not be that total failure at least, cause after all, in my case I somehow excelled in my studies back then, and I always think that it was the only part of my life, wherein I can only be good at my studies, cause frankly speaking I don't have any special talents like other people, that's why I strived so hard to at least get a good mark in acads, aside from that I am no special, the rest, I can say that it's a chaos. A total mess. Yes, I have friends, lots of them, in fact, I belong to many different circles of friends, that I even barely know, which are the true ones and the fake ones. I just go with the flow, have fun, YOLO that was my life back then. But at the end of the day, it always ends up with me being alone inside the four corners of my little room at home, it's always just me, only me, the alone me at the end of my everyday. Never minding my family and never minded by them that much, anyway, I'm fine with that treatment back at home, after all, it was also for my own good and benefit, not to be disturbed by anyone, especially my two little siblings that are somewhat aloof from me.

Time flew too fast after a year or two, I finally graduated from Junior High school, and in my mind, 'This is it!' the one that I've been always waiting for- to leave and to stay far away from my hometown. Not long after, finally, I was sent to study in a University for my Senior Highschool, a thousand miles away from my hometown, at last, approximately 8-10 hours travel by land.

Looking back on my younger years, I can say that not everything happened the way I planned and wanted it to be. Living far from home, I've felt satisfied and contented, but still, at the end of the day, I would still find myself alone in the four corners of now a different room from mine back home, alone. As time goes by, I started to miss everything, my life in my hometown, my only a few but real friends. The freedom and the privilege I once thought of as an obstacle and hindrances in my whack-up life. In my newfound home, I messed. Again, big time! I disappointed the people around me, I became a failure in my studies- the only one I've always thought I'm good at, I messed up due to negligence, laziness, and my depression, to the point that I almost didn't able to graduate, fortunately, I was able to makeup with the help of my friends, classmates and teachers at school, I graduated but not with the flying colors anymore as I thought I would be when I first moved far from my hometown and that reality really, just really broke and hit me so hard. There I realized and see the way things were clearly, far from my corrupt and inadequate perspective back then. Times like this? I always end up reflecting on all my rush and unwise decisions in life, may it be my younger years or my present. However, I never regret the decisions and the choices that I chose and made, despite all the negative impacts and consequences it threw back at me, cause, after all, I got to enjoy the life I had far away from home, it lead me to many different things, wonders and places. I get to know myself more, engaged with other people from different places, I grew mature. I became wiser and practical. I learned the essence of value and importance, apart from that little by little I also finally learned to love and appreciate my home from afar and that I was always eager to go home every vacation back then.

Many years have passed, lots of things have changed, Some main roads have diverged yet, here I am, still find myself lying on my same old bed in the four corners of the same old room I badly wanted and once deserted during my teenage years. Reminiscing the way things and I used to be. We may not all have a colorful life, yet we all have a story to tell and that is something more worthwhile sharing. For every flip of the page, we unveil and discover many things.

In this little room of mine where I once built and continue building my dreams in life. I have found and learned to love my true self after all these years. I am home atlast.

Hey there! Wonderful folks! My fellow readers and writers! Thank you sooo much for reading my short piece! I hope you have learned something! I love you all!!!