Take a little time out of your own mind

Have you ever wondered what happens in the mind of a socially anxious person? You might even be one at the moment. I surely was, and even though I'm still a little shy, my experience with interactions with other people had become much more fruitful and enjoyable. Well, when I found myself in any party or encounter where socializing was needed, I was constantly in my own mind thinking about the what Ifs, meaning that I was always asking myself what If the person that I wanted to approach got mad at me or didn't even respond at all, making our interaction much more weird. Even If It's better to be weird than to be alone, still people find themselves unable to go to places with their friends or meet new ones because of this ailment that has become more prominent in the modern world. That's why in this article I will talk about a way to approach this problem with a fix for It, making you empty your mind of all those superfluous thoughts that might be stopping you from acting in a place where you would like to be more talkative. Let's talk about what I consider being present in the moment.

What do I mean with being present?

Have you ever found yourself deeply focused in a particular task, maybe a college assignment or some funny thing you really liked. You surely have realized afterwards that all those thoughts that were causing you so much distress were not there during that process, your brain dedicating Its resources to the accomplishment of a particular set of goals inside that activity you were just performing. This is what I mean with being present: Directing your focus and energy to the moment and what's right in front of you, all so you can let go of all those doubts that are crippling you. For example, when you are in a party, one of the best ways to be in the moment is to not think about what others think of you, though to enjoy the moment and feel what It's happening, without regards for what the outcome might be.

Now that we know the definition of being present, we can begin to talk about some strategies to reach this state, tactics of which I will mention a couple in the next paragraphs:

Focus on the person in a positive way:

When I talk about focusing on the other person, I'm not telling you that you should suppose that they think X, Y or Z of you, though to engage them in conversation and ask them about particular situations they were in, one detail you found interesting and even things like an activity they perform regularly to find the dots to a thing you both do so you can have leverage in the conversation. In order to do this correctly, you should focus in what the other person's saying actively.

Eye Contact

Maybe If you aren't very socially versed, you'll find this point very difficult, though the only way to get better at this is to practice and increase gradually the level of exposure. So I always encourage you that whenever you're talking with someone you should look them at the eyes, even If your mind makes you think that they will find something bad in the way you do It. In this way you'll be able to make the other person feel validated (Like someone's paying attention to them) and even get feedback about something that interested them from what you said.

Meditation

I know that you've had enough of people telling you that to have more focus you should meditate, though this is the truth. In order to get you to fix your attention in something for a prolonged period of time, you should start by taking a little time of the day in order to just focus on your breath, the thoughts of gratefulness or even your own mortality, all to remediate, even If a little bit, the effects of what constant stimulation might have done to your brain.

I hope that this article could have served as a little guide to being in the moment and forgetting all the doubts that might crawl your mind whenever you try to speak to others, letting you know that the process is not easy, though totally worth. As I've stated previously here, I remember you that It's way better to come across as weird initially than to be lonely. Thank you for your support and good luck!