Psychosomatic Disease
When I hear people say psychosomatic disease I think that means it's all in their head. And it does in a sense
What it really means is of the mind.
When my mind feels anxiety, stress, depression, or negative emotion of any kind it expresses itself in my body. I get aches. I get pains. Headaches, stomach aches, body aches. But when I go to the doctor, there is nothing wrong.
This is psychosomatic pain.
There's an entire specialty in psychology dealing with somatic pain. I've seen a somatic psychologist. It was intense.
The basic theory behind it, as I understand it, is when we experience trauma and don't deal with it, our body stores it up. Our bodies hold on to the emotional trauma. Then, later in life, when we perceive danger, our bodies react to the original trauma.
This is a very basic explanation of a very complex situation.
Why am I telling you all of this?
Because I suffer from psychosomatic pain. Usually when I'm thrown into emotional flashbacks.
What is emotional flashback?
It is a situation of perceived danger, physical or emotional, that triggers an emotional response. The emotions that are triggered by whatever situation are the same emotions experienced at the time of original trauma.
Most of us have heard of fight or flight. But did you know there are two other limbic responses to danger? Freeze and faun.
Fight - stand up against the danger
Flight - run away
Freeze - hold still and hide
Fawn - bow down; people please
My particular brand of psychosomatosis is fight and freeze.
My somatic therapist explained to me that nobody can fight and freeze at the same time. So my body holds onto the trauma my mind wants to fight against and hide from.
This time around, this has been happening to me since March 16.
March 16 was my father's birthday. My dad had been very much on my mind this year. He died in 2007 and, according to my therapist, I've never grieved him. I've never grieved anything. I've always just escaped (hid) and suppressed my grief.
Thinking about my dad, trying to write about him, has caused my mind to go into emotional flashback and my body to feel pain.
I'm still attempting to write about him. But the writing has also dredged up other memories, other supressed emotions.
And I feel myself freezing. My brain that composes articles is freezing. My fingers that type the words are freezing. My mouth that speaks to ask for help is freezing.
I can feel myself withdrawing from the world. I want to find a cave and I want to hide in it forever.
I obviously cannot do that.
I cannot stop talking.
I cannot stop typing.
I cannot stop composing.
I cannot stop thinking.
I cannot stop feeling.
Instead, I type up this cheesy little explanation and hope my readers will understand; will forgive.
Lead image license free from Unsplash
It's okay. You don't have to apologize. Sharing this must cost real courage. Others find it hard to do, in fact. But you had the strength to bring it up, even it may have trigered traumatic past and emotions, and you are amazing for doing that. I have researched these kinds of conditions are hard to get rid off, or even impossible to. I hope you will still get by fine despite all the shts thrown by world at you. Keep fighting, ma'am. :)