Understanding death

March 1, 2022

I have been thinking about why people have such trouble tackling and facing their fear of death? It occurred to me that a lot of people are probably unaware of what their fear actually is and if you don't know what the fear is it's just going to be one big black void of threat. It's just a nebulous unknown fear which is the worst kind because you can't do anything about it.

So let us understand what is death

Ask another person to read this article for you

I'm going to ask you to close your eyes. Now, take a deep breath in and exhale, deep breath in exhale. Are your eyes really closed? Don't cheat okay? I'm going to read seven reasons that people are afraid of death and I want you to think about which ones are really your fears, not just things that sound scary but things that are really your fears. For example, I don't want to be eaten alive by a shark but I don't walk around my daily life actively afraid of sharks, you know what I mean?

1. I'm afraid to die because my death would cause grief to my relatives and friends

2. I'm afraid to die because all of my ambition, my plans my projects would come to an end

3. I'm afraid to die because I'm worried the process of death might be painful

4. I'm afraid to die because I would no longer be able to have any experiences

5. If I died I would no longer be able to care for my dependents

6. I'm afraid to die because I'm afraid of what might happen to me if there is life after death

7. I'm afraid to die because of what might happen to my body after I die

Now open your eyes. I hope that there were one or two in there that really resonated with you and you went "oh yes, yeah that one, that's my fear." Now you need to get to work on addressing that particular fear which is much easier.

I'm going to recommend just a few things to get you started

1. Worried about the grief of your friends and relatives - maybe start by reading some grief memoirs. Books like these show just how resilient survivors are and just how much it is possible to go on after a death. Consider writing personal notes to your nearest and dearest to be put aside in the case of your eventual death so that they can read it and get that message directly from you.

2. Afraid that all of your plans and projects will come to an end - I know a little something about this is. I am the number 2 myself both. Fears I have to make sure I know how my nonprofit and my business are going to continue on after I die. I have to make sure I have good people running them and that I have money set aside. I really think that addressing this one is all about organization and logistics.

3. Worried that the process of dying might be painful - you have to have a written advance directive alongside conversations with your next of kin and family that you don't want extreme medical intervention as you are dying. There's a really good short documentary on Netflix called extremists that's about exactly this what happens when people don't have those conversations in advance and the prolonged pain and suffering that it can potentially cause.

4. Worried about all of your experiences coming to an end - we'll get out there and have experiences. How are you living your life? The number one regret always seems to be "I didn't get out there, I didn't have more experiences I didn't live my life more authentically to who I was"

5. Worry you're not going to be able to take care of your dependents - that sounds awful and I can't really understand it at this point in my life. But I found this really excellent article about how to set up Guardian ships for your children. I know that dependence can of course be adults as well but I think a lot of the tips will still apply.

6. If you fear life after death - this goes back to the beginning what your fear actually is. Is it hell? If so, no matter what your religion, find a priest, a leader of religious group who will give you a kinder version of the afterlife.

7. Afraid of what's going to happen to your body after you die - this is my favorite one because I think it's the easiest to tackle. What do you want done with your body? Do you want to be cremated? Do you want to be buried? Study up on the cremation process, on decomposition, find out what goes on behind the scenes at a funeral home and what will happen to your body, I promise you that your imagination is far worse than reality.

This is my personal opinion of course but I don't believe that anyone should have to be deeply terrified of the afterlife.