They say I’m heartless and cold, there are some who say that I don’t have a soul and even told me that I’m a son of s*tan itself. I didn’t care because these trivial things are just petty. I don’t care about anything, more like I never wanted anything. If someone gives me something I’ll take it not because I like it, just me being practical. I couldn’t express myself right and speak things I didn’t mean to. I always get into a fight not knowing why I am in that situation. I am basically a personified zombie, I feel like I’m already dead yet I’m still walking. Do I want to die? Not necessarily I don’t care if I live or die because honestly I never seek anything.
That’s until I met you
It was a rainy day in July I got into a rooftop where I usually go to since it’s smoke-free and there’s no one ever go there besides me. They believe that the rooftop is superstitious and all so they never bothered me there. I was about to sit when I saw you on the edge of the veranda feeling the rain and wind. You are standing straight and I feel like you really love what you’re doin’ since I don’t really care I just sit and watch you. You started dancing and I can sense that just one small mistake on your footing, you’re definitely going to fall from this 30 story building. And for no reason I enjoyed your performance, I was captivated by the way you move your hands and feet to the sounds of the rain and wind. You look so peaceful, I stopped mesmerizing when your eyes met mine, and just like in the vast universe full of stars, I felt lost and anxious.
“I don’t recommend this place to die” I wanted to strangle myself when I said that. It’s not what I meant.
My heart beats again as I look at your innocent face and it pounds so hard when you smiled and laughed. “What? No, I wasn’t going to kill myself. I just love the rain” She explained while laughing, she got down on the edge of the veranda and slowly walk towards me. I became more anxious,
“Don’t come here” I said but she laughed again, however, this time she is way nearer than before so I can see her more clearly, and......
“My name is Eleira, you?” She offers her hands but I only look at her
“Oh come on I’m waiting” She insisted, the heavy rain and cold wind stopped when she grabbed my hand and held it tightly, it feels surreal and familiar
The rain stopped revealing the beautiful sunset behind her making it look prettier.
“Your name?” She asked again and that snapped me back to reality
“Are you a freak?” I said and pulled my hand from her. And again I didn’t mean it, but instead of saying sorry, I walked away leaving her behind.
The next day It was a sunny day and I feel like eating a cold ice cream today on the rooftop and so I did, when I opened the door she’s there again. I was about to close it again and just go home but I felt her small warm hands holding my arms,
“Don’t go” she said and I feel like I was magnetized by her and that I couldn’t refuse. I sat beside her and watch the sun,
“What do you like more, Sunrise or sunset?” Another stupid question
I replied silence
“Right, I like the sunset. They say that sunset is bad because it only signifies goodbyes but for me seeing sunset comforts me, it makes me feel that not every goodbye is bad. There are some that are beautiful just like the sunset” in whatever reason my heart ached, I stood up and offer her my hands. She was shocked as I was. Because I don’t know what in the freak world I am doing. She was so happy that she immediately grabbed my hands
“Where are we going?” She asked, I am anxious again so I decided to let go of her hand but she locked it. My heart couldn’t stop thumping so hard as I feel her small hands lock on mine, they are very unbelievably fitted to my hand as if it was made exclusively for me.
“I, I don’t know..” I told her honestly and just like usual she laughed
“Plans are boring anyway,” She said and pulled me while she walks.
That day was one of the happiest things in my life. We continued seeing each other on the rooftop and we were so happy, I feel like I’m becoming more alive each day I spent with you.
Until one time, you didn’t come. I thought it was normal maybe you had an emergency and such so I didn’t really think much and then the next day I again look forward to you. I didn’t saw you the other day so I really missed you but disappointment painted my face when I opened the door but there’s no you. I told myself maybe you’re not in the mood going here today so I just enjoyed being alone that day. And then the next days came and even your shadow in one of these days didn’t come. I feel so worthless
I didn’t notice that I am already walking in one of the darkest and dangerous alleys of the area but I didn’t care, I miss her so much. I notice that someone is tailing me but I didn’t care. I hate this feeling, she didn’t even say goodbye if she wanted to go.
I looked at the guy pointing a knife at my stomach without any thought
“I’ve got nothing” I replied because I honestly didn’t bring anything. I just wanted to take a troll hoping I’d forget her
I noticed how they became lot trapping me inside of the circle, I began to fight them when they started to attack me. I felt a knife piercing my flesh, punches landing at my face, and kicks at my guts snapping me back to reality.
She never felt the same with me.
Sadness, loneliness, madness, and I don’t know some of the emotions I feel I just know that I am lost, it’s as if I’m in the vast universe finding the right star for me. I poured all of my emotions into beating my attacker and I succeed. I left them and go to the place I feel comforted. I can feel the wounds and bruises I receive from the guys. There’s a lot of blood coming out from me but I only wanted to see you.
I immediately opened the door of the rooftop and was shocked when someone is there. But It’s not you
“Here” a girl younger than me gave me a piece of paper
“I don’t know you but stay still and I’ll go get help,” she said and left me behind. I was about to throw it away when I noticed my name printed in there, curious; I opened it and its as if all of my suppressed emotions came forward all at once
To the sweetest love of my life Hugo,
Sorry, I am such a liar, I actually know you before. You may not know but you always save me. When we were in grade school, I was bullied. It was noon and the sun is close to set, after class. Our classmates bullied me until you walked past us. You didn’t do anything but the bullies stopped abusing me and run away. Your powerful aura saved me and I couldn’t thank you enough and after that, they never bother me again. When we were in our high school days we were classmates, just like the usual you didn’t care much. I was raped by a bunch of men and abused by my father. I feel so dirty and bad and so I wanted to die. Just like how you saw me from you think our first meeting is, The sun is close to set stared at it as I was ready to throw myself away when you opened the door and said
“Oh, don’t be bother I won’t watch what you’re doing” and then sat at your favorite spot. I felt embarrassed so I hid my face running away from the rooftop.
A lot of things I’ve heard about you and most of them are bad, but I didn’t get them because you’re the kindest and greatest person I’ve ever met. When we started college I followed you, it’s funny that you look like someone who doesn’t care about anything but still continues studying. And during our college days, my mother hangs herself and because of that, my father abused me even more. It became one of my daily routines, to be mistreated by my father. I was so sad and cried my heart out on the rooftop the day is almost replaced by night and I notice that someone sat beside me and it was you, I stared at you but you never look at me. You gave me a handkerchief and said
“Don’t be bother just continue what you’re doing, I’m just a passerby” I laughed but instead of looking at me you remove your uniform blazer and put it in my head
“Cry” and when I heard those words I cried
When we graduated I was so happy that I wanted to confess to you but you were nowhere to be found instead I found someone I never wanted to cross paths with again. They are the classmates who raped me when we were in high school. I resisted so much but they drug me and the moment I woke up, I am all alone naked in the restricted area of the school.
It was our graduation day and I feel like a wasted piece of garbage. But I remember you, I wanted to die so much but whenever I think of you I feel alive. Days after our graduation, I’ve learned that the people who raped me were associated with my father and that they paid my father to get their hands on me. Devastated, I remember you again. You are the only one who keeps me alive. I accept that things will not be forever like this. I am dirty and undignified I am no longer suited for you or maybe I was never suited for you. Days after my father sold me, he wanted to get rid of me as I was never useful to him but before he did. He finally got his hands on me, he raped me while moaning my mother’s name. I was disgusted but it wasn’t new. I got into this family and they are unbelievably good. They treat me so good and like their own child. I feel so bad because I can never reciprocate their genuine feeling as I am full of dirt and no matter how much I wash myself, the stain will never be erased.
So I decided to die, again after a lot of times thinking of you that keeps me from killing myself, I’ve come to my last thread. I couldn’t take it anymore,
I got on the rooftop and felt the rain and wind caressing my body. I feel so happy as I dance along with its sound but amidst this rain falling down on me, it's as if someone is also watching me and that’s when I look at you. After years of longing, the feeling of the hole inside of my heart heals as I look at you. I thought finally, you look my way. I laughed when I heard your phrases again and lied that I was just enjoying the rain.
Oh God, I love you.
The days became better and better until someone told me that my father died due to excessive intake of alcohol and drugs. I arranged his funeral and at some point, I wanted to curse him, but for some reason, I couldn’t. Days after the funeral is now done, ready to meet you I was startled when a bunch of men comes towards me
“Eleira Gregorio right?” I nodded
“We are here to charge you for your father’s debt” I was confused
“It’s either you pay us money or sell yourself to us” Grains of tears fell down on my cheeks. He stated a lot of money and I know very well that I have nothing like that. I couldn’t tell the family who bought me that I need this big money, I don’t want to burden them.
“Can I think about it first?” I asked and they all agreed, they gave me their number and told me that If I already decided what to do then I’ll contact them
Feeling remorseful on something I don’t know, I wanted to die. But I really wanted to see you too so I sneak peek on the rooftop and I did saw you. I cannot estimate how much I love you but I can’t live this way. I don’t want to burden anyone.
I texted the number and told them I’m selling myself and turned off my phone.
If you are reading this I may no longer alive, I’m so sorry hugo, I just cannot take the world anymore. I tried so hard but maybe trying your best is not always enough. I wanted to thank you for always saving me and waiting for me. Now you can no longer have to wait, I hope you forgive me for all these things. I hope that someday you forget me, and you’ll heal if I ever leave a scar on you. The world is too much to take Hugo but don’t think that this is a sad goodbye, and maybe someday later, we’ll meet again but this time no more sunsets.
Love, Eleira
My heart hurts so much as I read your letter, memories come flashing on my mind and couldn’t stop crying. Oh, my sweetest Eleira I never thought you experienced something like this because you always smile the brightest and I am the dumbest for not noticing your problems. I just hope you know that I don’t believe in soulmate but I believe you are mine as I am yours. The world might be tough but so were you. I love you too. And I never wanted anything,
but right now I want to be with you.
I have never saved you my dear love, but if I ever have the chance to do so, I’ll do it at whatever cost. In a heartbeat, in the seconds of light.
I felt my eyes become heavier as my body falls to the ground, I heard a loud scream and saw the girl who gave me this letter with a medic beside her.
You ask me what I love more; sunrise or sunset...
I love you and only you,
In the shortest time, you made me feel alive and happy. Know that in whatever generation, I will always love you my querencia.
I hope you peace and love Eleira, I’ll soon join you. And maybe someday later, we’ll fall in love again but this time no more sunsets.
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, events, and incidents are either the product of the Author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead is purely coincidental.
