Taking Risks

Here’s the thing… the hard truth in life… we get to meet someone or some people and we get to feel the chemistry in there. And as we grow older in life, there are just priorities we need to weigh.

Risking…

It’s easy to say just take the risk without really thinking hard "what I am trying to give it up for". It’s easy to get overboard about our daily affairs and I’ve already jumped into the roller coaster ride once and going through it again, is another risk to play. Not that I regretted it because it resulted to a wonderful blessing. But as I grow older, I get to think of it often as much than it used to. Before it was just a piece of cake and even now.

 It’s not really more on morals, teaching my kids/boys that… I believe I have stand my ground for the past 10 years in teaching them that. So morals isn’t the matter in question right now. Now they are older, I’m thinking of the possibility of finding another love?

Finding another love in this lifetime, twice – is awesome. They say “love on the second time around” is a lucky shot and it’s a rare opportunity.

Taking my shot or not. Hmm… Like I said, harsh reality of this world is taking risks and not everyone is honest about it. And like my boy stated it, “sometimes truth hurts” so you cant be 100% true at in this lifetime… hahaha!

At my side of the table, love is a  risk. Why? I really have nothing to lose except my sanity… hahaha!

To be honest, I have nothing left to lose. One of course, I am ageing and my sons are there, well, almost there taking their lives to their own direction while I’m just around guiding them.

However, perhaps I would say I would me more reckless if I was younger. But right now I have everything to think about. Weighing the risks:

1.       I am really happy with things in my life. Although, having someone to talk about things, help you out when you need to sort out important things is what makes having a relationship important but…

2.       Sharing with someone is good. Like I share my plans with my boys, laying down my decks so they’ll know what I'm thinking and for them to be honest with me is something is really good. Although, its not going to happen that they will share everything but at least we can be honest with each other is what I can expect from them.

Risks to take:

1.       STD. True there are vaccines for that but what’s the guarantee? My friend took the vaccine but she died of cervical cancer caused by HPV virus. I’m sorry but you know. The person has personally, the best character and the sweetest guy in town, but you will never really know how many STDs he has?! I’m sorry, but the world is very much into “friends with benefits” and “exchange partners” is just as easy as switching to another phones these days. STD just doesn’t really manifest on men except HIV (it manifests to everyone). And its not easy to tell him to take the tests because you know, it’ll hurt a lot – opens a lot of argument ranging from “trust to injured pride”. You can't dictate to your partner "what you think" but can only suggest if your partner ever come to cross on thinking about it, then "injured pride" is another result of it. Though, both of you are going to take the test anyway but… You’ll never get to think about it when you’re in a relationship until you’re sick or him sick one day. Right? This is really serious for me, why? Its not just cervical cancer hurts and all other implications, if this can be prevented, then why not? Right? Implications like finances, you’ll be left to tend for yourself, facing the processing by yourself is one of the worst thing that’ll happen. My friend has a husband but she ends up making and going in and to the hospital by herself. Hearing the news 1st hand by herself and has to face everything, from the diagnosis to bills by herself. So… If I were sick, I’m good being alone because I am already alone. But worst is being alone when you have a behalf or supposed to have somebody by your side and is just not there – hurts.

2.       Relationship problems is one of the worst! Hahaha! Perhaps I just lived a very long single life that adjusting is just too much?!

3.       Older men has commitment issues especially those on 40s and up. So… Me? No commitment issues, I was once married. Cheating issues, oh no! I’m certified faithful. Hahaha! – just love myself this much!

Well this is just about the things that crossed my mind on the topic!

Resolve.

Seriously, I’m open for another relationship. All above I’ve mentioned are the risks I come across, discussing with myself. But it’s really up to the universe if my universe will allow to collide with another universe, well that’s for the UNIVERSAL MASTER to synchronize… hahaha! But seriously, STD is a SERIOUS TOPIC, not welcome every time… Sometimes it too late to realize that until "My boyfriend/girlfriend gave me STD"... Cervical cancer really hurts! I just heard someone who is on stage 4, bed ridden and just waiting for her time. Left alone with only a care giver to attend to her!

For a lingering thought. What’s life to live for if not to share the treasures you’ll find with your LOVED ones?

Happy birthday to my Joy! EJ - the book was written for you and bansoy...

Thank u for the read.

October 18, 2022