About a decade ago, I married a man whom I thought I knew so well. Then he was sick that election day, never recovered and he was gone!
It was a long day that day. He was in and out the comfort room, little did I know he was vomiting blood and still didn't tell me for all the reasons he had then. Until, he was unable to stand anymore, almost drop dead to the floor. So I called an ambulance. And even in that state, still refused to tell me anything about his condition.
We reached the hospital where his mom work. It took him a while before he told me to call his mom. And by that time I called, it was almost too late. I left in the middle of the night because I left my son in the care of our neighbors since it was difficult to bring him while attending to my husband.
I left him alone in the hospital knowing that his mom was monitoring his condition. I was confident of the service provided so I went home to get my son and place it under my mother's care that time. And when I arrived at the hospital. He was tied to his bed because he almost fell from his bed the whole time I was out, and I had him untied. Few minutes later, he had cardiac arrest... I phone home telling my mom he was dead.
He was young but wasted. Why? That was something I didn't understand. Why throw life away when its too short waste. Then, I sat beside his aunt and learned his sad life.
All he ever needed was love and affection. Affection and attention he thought would fill the emptiness inside, unfortunately, the older he grow the emptier he was. He tried filling it in with those he pick up outside from his home. Drinking alcohol as earlier as 10 then came smoking and worst came, meth addiction.
He was only 36 and for 5 years he hid that from me. I was mad when he died because I was left alone clueless of how to proceed and much worst, we had a kid -his joy. Friends and relatives tried so hard to console me and I couldn't find any reason why to this point, I wasn't told he was dying. We could had fought back and lived together longer. But life threw it back like if he were alive, what good it will do to your kid? His addiction, vices? Most importantly, I dreamt of him telling me that his body was so wasted that he could no longer hold it together. His body was already exhausted that he really had to go!
It wasn't easy to reconcile myself with that. The moment my mind wandered and all the what ifs in the world came about. The elders I know dearly told me it was for a reason, a purpose. But still I really couldn't understand why it had to happen? But perhaps one of the reasons was that he couldn't give up his addiction. Or it was already too late to give up. Unfortunately, had I known we would have live our lives differently or perhaps because he was afraid if he told me, I would leave him. Left him alone and deserted.
On the other hand, there was not a day we fight. He made sure each day we live in high spirits, sparing me from feeling and seeing him in pain and in despair. Making sure his face is wearing a smile and not a glimpse of pain is shown. And that, I was told I was lucky. Spared from pain and despair. But still... and if only.
Now, my kid had grown. Even if I don't smoke but he found his way to smoke like this father. Though he had promised me he will never go meth but he is still young and still a lot to learn. I can only pray that God will spare him from all those vices and that he will send him friends that will guide him out of temptations. Like any mother's prayer , praying for the best for our children.
He is still young and so much to learn and grow. Hoping life will be kind to us especially him and that he will return the good given to him. Though I am truly thankful of what he had become, but is still a long way to go!
I was told my husband was under the influence of meth because his cousin introduced him to it. It destroyed his cousin's life and his as well. Though, through out his life he was able to establish his own. But I still couldn't bare the thought of killing himself because of the growing emptiness in his heart. He never knew how to deal with it so he resort of something he knew, never really thought it was temporary.
Oh! I have to park now. Thank u for letting me share and hope u find it interesting. Till next time.
*picture taken is mine.
