Hesitations

For a decade I stayed with my mom, choose and stayed. Guess I became all too comfortable being beside her for all those years. I’d grown used to her presence that one day it was hard to leave. Or leaving my children to her care and go out abroad to find better income was never something I’d look forward.

Earlier today my youngest sister chatted with my with my niece telling me she is moving out to TAGUIG, somewhere in Luzon. Relocating there for a better offer, a better income for her and opportunity for them as a family. It was my first time hearing this and I was surprised and happy for her. All the more praying for it to work out for her and I was glad that she talks about it still despite. She talks about her plan for the meantime before submitting her resignation and of course I gave her my pieces of thoughts. But generally I had no objections, its more encouragement really. Some tips and suggestions I could think of and showed her my place at the same time.

Then all that got me to thinking… What if? I try my chances of applying somewhere, outside the province and try my luck out there! Although my cousin already proposed the same thing. Like go to Davao and apply for work there? And she asked, what’s keeping u from doing that?

Oh! Hesitations! It’s rooted and I have a lot of excuses. Like I have no grand savings and know no one out there and fear for the unknown! Actually my 1st concern are my kids safety and security. Perhaps that! Although they are grown up now but its good to expose them to changes.

The environment is something that should be considered before moving in. Like our place, before moving in a year ago, I checked it out and since I was already familiar with the place and location no need for thorough investigation. But what if its somewhere afar? Perhaps I can always ask SOS from cousins since they’re just a call away for any emergencies until I can get use to the place. But what if its just us? My hesitations. Bore out of fear? But perhaps, bore out of familiarity and comfort, out of my comfort zone!

At any rate, crime rate increases each year and the natural calamities has increasingly been very damaging for the recent happenings. Which is why the reluctance. So much more with unstable politics of the land, the extreme reactions we are getting that the police may not be able to handle many of it. With Duterte getting down, crimes has already increased, incrementally.

April 20, 2022
Image: Pinterest

But I want a taste of life out of my comfort zone and perhaps. The thoughts of travelling and visiting places with the boys has actually appealed to me for some time now. And the only thing that holding me, my comfort zone.

Of course, we all have hesitations and its normal. The more we have responsibilities, the more hesitant we become. Trying to see through the uncertainties of the future and address basic issues and concerns, especially the “what ifs”, is something many of us, parents, have to face. While being a single mom truly has something more to look into but sometimes seeing things in a different perspective does help. Trusting in the goodness of many and goodness in mankind is something refreshing and to look forward to. Like fear always gives us doubts, it also gives us opportunity to look into the details of our lives, allowing us to grow in different perspective – then eventually accept and grow. Molding or transforming into a different you, dealing the “what ifs” and addressing the doubts, then perhaps move on! It will be a struggle but eventually, it will settle in – in time. Allowing us to grow deeper in meaning in life and broaden our prospects including our children as well. Navigating through these will be a problem but it's normal. After a while of navigating, it will all settle in and eventually, the storm will calm just in time for another great adventure! Thank u for reading and God bless.