Christmas wont be the same without you!

I’ve never thought this thought has been delayed over such catastrophic events. Hmmm… Its nice to linger around the thought, it has been a decade now and cant help but linger still.

You know throughout the entire decade, your son grew up. Unlike you he is loved but still is like you in many ways. Physically he is a replica of you and in many ways developing your talents and inclinations together with vices. However, good news, unlike you he is still at school. Hardly gaining good grades nor top notched but he is very very good at reading, which I am glad. Arithmetic is struggling and all courses that required hard work but still he passed. And like you, he is very techy. Things I don’t understand, I let him do. I never understood how hard it was to raise you until I have him. Oh no! there are many times I wanted to cry but what can it do? So many times I wished and wondered if you were still around those horrible things would’ve happened but… those are just random thoughts and wishful thinking! But still, the “what if”, if you were around.

Yes, our lives is never the same without you! Your boy grows up well and matured like you but all too fast and many times I tried to stop him from growing but I only failed – terribly. I only wish he’ll slow down but he only accelerated and it breaks me apart knowing there is a thin line between that and his growing up, for he has so much to learn. All too soon I believe, like your little sister when she was this age! All confused with the so-called “love potion”, ended up almost like a failure. We are struggling but we have our share of fun though. I am all packed up and it would have been easier having you around but… God forcibly pluck you out of my life because I refused to let you go without a fight. It is good because it made it easier for me to move on and continue but the thought still remains.

Ten years after and we lived. Happy and a little confused of where to head for! We lost our home that we build up for many reasons including money matters. Now, I have started to write again and I don’t know where this is heading me to! Though I am glad to write all the ideas away but it became too hectic and found my body drunk in exhaustion: body, mind and soul. All the more now because of the typhoon, hmmm… We have share of fun too and I promised more fun to look forward as the year ends and a new one is soon to begin.

Oh! Somebody’s lurking in the dark and it has been a year now! I already told him to stop but he hasn’t and doesn’t have plans. We haven’t talked for he refused to talk. He is an acquaintance from my younger years and perhaps he is responsible for lighting up our Christmas after the typhoon, I am thankful though for the thoughtful gesture which I do appreciate it much. I do hope we can talk soon so he’d stop lurking, I hate it. Found new friends when you left and finding out someone is leaving too, soon.

It was nice having you around wrapping my tired arms around you at the end of the day! Talk my day out and listen to pries, I missed it. Perhaps it was too good to last a lifetime. Thank you for helping me learn things about relationships, far and beyond whats expected. The importance of ending a day not angry for tomorrow is uncertain. I thought memories fade but it didn’t, it lingers. Thank you for our boy, I’d grown so much since then. It will be long before we see each other again, not sooner I’m afraid. Goodbye.

December 29, 2021
images: Pinterest