Autism - how I work around it..

I have come across the articles written by @valo and really am interested with his articles especially the ones under "neurodivergence". I am actually one. shhh, don't tell anyone, they don't have an idea only my highschool best bud knows.

Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) is a developmental disability caused by differences in the brain. People with ASD often have problems with social communication and interaction, and restricted or repetitive behaviors or interests. People with ASD may also have different ways of learning, moving, or paying attention.

I heard people complain about my repetitive ways – its really annoying and bother-some. Like in an event when one is hurt, its like repeating everything that is done is like “injuring the injured”. Yes, I am aware not about that and I really don’t know how to say it, but “SORRY”… REALLY!!! All those years when I was not aware, or perhaps I was aware but still was not able to control.

Guess I was labelled like this because of my condition. Though, I have always known but I really can’t help but feel outcast. Yes, an outcast.. because I don’t have obvious speech impairment, because it is hidden in my inability to spell well. My focus, is really short that I have problems finishing a project. My mom really criticize me for that but I always set it aside. I stumble a lot, I don’t like the crowd and spend a lot of time alone, while my hands and legs are not well coordinate so I easily fell on stairs. I’m not easily confused when it comes to feelings because I only stick to happy, sad, sorrow, resentment, anger, envy, excitement, like and dislike while all others are set aside. If it’s not anything I mentioned, I’m not really into it. Most of the time, I fail to reciprocate feelings because it’s hard for me to understand if not spoken directly.

We all shift gear at any point but most of the time I’m in neutral gear because emotions to me are in extreme which makes me resilient to the point of obsession. Sharing something with me is like if you want to get the message through, say it directly or I will not understand. So, I’m not really into dramatic movies and even find comedy at times bad, so I am more into action movies. While cooking and gardening is a source of excitement. Despite the locomotor deficit, I am still able to dance but not in a crowd because I cannot concentrate when there is a large crowd.

Hmmm… looking back. I think this was why I was really having a hard time finding a job because if I have a different way of expressing my thoughts, rather not normal. Hmf(sigh) but I was glad to be able to. Adjusting is hard since I am very reluctant to change. If change should be done, it should be gradual so my wiring can accept and cope.

Like ADHD and other neurodivergent people, suffering such a condition is something but people must understand and let us explore because we can be functional in a society. We may be deficit in many ways but definitely we can be functional, like what I am. We have specific intelligence and skill-set that makes us all the more unique. There are actually many of us are genius which make us highly subjected to envy but really we only want a very simple life. And even if we were that, we lack the social adherence that normal people do. The further we are pushed back from the society because of our inability to jive in, the more we are actually pushed to our interests that will lead to obsession. Yes, we may be clumsy in your eyes which is embarrassing but hey! Its really not our fault, we are actually trying our best to overcome it. Like any normal people trying to cope with their deficits, we too are trying hard. Its just that our case are usually extreme which makes it more obvious to a keen eye!

Lets not do this, labelling and hurting each other because this is not going to do us any good. Though we are a bit difficult to understand, leave us alone for a time and well bounce back, just don't push or punish us for being different. Thank u for the read, till next time.

May 19, 2022
Image: Pinterest