Aggrieved
Screaming is all I could think to let you out of my chest…
Oh! why must I feel aggrieved?
I had a good cry this afternoon and it had relieved the stress that my heart had bored for months now…
Never had it occurred, that it’s the source of this unwarranted feeling of the “aggrieved”.
Hmmm… the year ended with such intensity, and had started as well.
From our home to work, everything was filled up with intensity over things…
The surroundings that filled the scene with such horror that only one can wander how long must this be…
We survived it though.
We can only help each other, and be each other’s comfort…
but, cruelty in the midst of chaos is so much to bear…
for we are only human who can only bear so much in a given time.
Thou healing commends in the passage of time, but… sometimes, it becomes a forbearance that one can only endure only for a while.
While our cup is empty for the moment…
Each time it is filled and will overflow…
Many times it overflow, in it, disgust and resentment…
And for the time it is suppress for one can only hold on to hope, hope it may finally be gone in its own volition…
But no… the hope we placed in our hearts for it to be gone tomorrow…
Crushes and suppresses the zest in life we hoped to live by…
For many times it lives to linger for a while and choice was not meant to be given but to accept the fate.
Thus bitterness slowly grows in the heart that in time will know despair.
I want to scream… scream to the top of lungs and let all my grievances go!
It pains my heart all this time and pierced it thru without knowing it was there.
I was lingering on the thought that I was ok and good but there is a bitter taste of despair lurking in the middle of my chest…
Couldn’t figure out why such bitterness? What’s the despair is for?
I thought I am missing a friend or a stranger, -my stalker…
But no, I am not missing them… I am not lonely.
Then suddenly an event last night made me realize, the cause of such bitterness!
Until I let it out, scream it out loud to someone who listens.
Yes, truly magnificent. The gift of a good listener…
It does chase our blues away! But still, there is so much…
This despair is not as simple outcry!
It means supplication which I am still not prepared to do such. For the last time this happened, a great change commenced!
For months now, I have been screaming and looking forward for a change…
I’ve been doing a lot but it doesn’t seem enough, -a paradigm shift could only satisfy!
Wow! At this age… such a change is uncalled for! Why? Because I fear it so much?
For I love my “comfort zone” than change…
Oh no! My comfort zone is already upsy turvy… my comfort zone is almost non-existent.
Only change is at hand and the only remedy for such a turbulent event!
Oh why! Why now? When I really thought to be docile and subtle for the rest of my life.
I haven’t really prepared anything for months but only looked forward for this to rest and be gone!
But, how my heart is restless!
For such cruelty really pierced the heart so much…
My gentle and kind heart cannot settle in unless, the conditions are met…
Change! Else, we’ll go restless forever!
Oh! how inconvenient!
Look what you’ve done.
Because of your cruelty and pride!
Things must change! Unwelcome as it is, but it’s the only remedy…
April 29, 2022
Image: pinterest
