marriage problem
3rd Monday January 2022Hello, I'm not necessarily looking for concrete answers here, I was just thinking that writing things down here might help a friend of my think things through and maybe people could make suggestions or comments to help him in that process. his been quite unhappy in general for at least the last three years.
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For parts his been depressed, but for the majority of the time he just engrossed himself in his interests during his spare time, and avoided thinking about the general unhappiness. his been married for over eleven years.
The last two years of the marriage have been especially difficult. his wife is neurotypical, and has been suffering from depression for about the last six years. She doesn't work and spends the majority of time sat on the sofa in the same clothes with her laptop.
When she's in a bad mood, she's very difficult to be around. About four years ago dey saw a marriage counsellor, the counsellor had experience with people on the autistic spectrum, and within a few minutes of speaking to him suggested he was on the spectrum. It was the first time he seriously thought about it and it helped answer a lot of questions he had about himself.
The counselling helped a bit, but didn't resolve things. About two years ago, his wife said she didn't love him any more, and she left to stay with her parents for a couple of weeks. dey talked things through and decided to try again and she moved back in. But the experience really hurt him. he feel like he just been drifting along the last couple of years.
The last few months the unhappiness has increased, and he felt depressed for periods of time. Initially he thought it was because he had very few friends, and so tried to do something to improve that.
He met someone online who he felt a connection with, it developed into something more than platonic, dey met up for a few hours in person, and he felt a connection and happiness with her that he haven't felt for a long time.
He stupidly fell in love with her even though he hardly know her. dey're still 'friends' but she doesn't feel the same way he do. In 'another world', where he wasn't already married he think dey might have had a chance.
So although he think this chance of happiness has gone, it does make him think that he could potentially find happiness in the future with someone else. So sometimes his thinking he should leave his wife, give up on the marriage, and try to start his life afresh.
Other times his thinking he should just be happy with what he already have. he have a home, pets and lifestyle that he worked hard for and don't really want to give up. he still have a bond with his wife, who has made him a better person, and on the good days is good to be around.
But he don't know if he still feel any love for her. he started seeing a counsellor who has experience with people on the autistic spectrum, and his hoping talking things through with her will help him decide to what to do with his future. Whatever happens, his not going to make a rash decision immediately.
Thanks for reading.📖📖📖
