@Jeaneth
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Is There Something Wrong With Me?
As they say, things don't always go according to our plans. As much as we want things to happen, certain situations go beyond our control. Growing up, I noticed something about myself. It got me thinking, is this normal? Is there something wrong with me? ***There are habits that I noticed to myself that made me evaluate if this is still normal.*** When I was a kid, I used to count my statements through my hands and it should fall to 10 syllables. Weird right? I don't know, it became my habit to count the words through my hands. And if it doesn't count to 10, I'll rephrase my statement to make it right. (*Like these words, it should end up to 10 words*). But I only count it through my mind. Like I'm talking to myself and my other self would tell me that I'm wrong and I should revise my sentence. Yeah, it's weird. I have this behavior whenever I'm anxious, or I found myself nothing else to do. I noticed this happens a lot when I was in grade school and it triggers when someone says something bad about me and I digest it on my own. **In fact, I found it therapeutic for me, the counting system I made.** I didn't even know it became a daily basis. It was hard. Now that I have matured, it doesn't happen to me anymore that often. It still happens but rarely. When I was in high school, part of my study habit is to outline my notebook and book in a separate paper. Like just writing the keywords. That way, I find it much easier to memorize the necessary details for the topics. Also, my study notes should be printed. Otherwise, I can't study well. Studying wouldn't be effective for me. If I commit a mistake while writing, I scratch it off and go back to the start. I don't like reading my notes with erasures. I guess others can relate to this. There's something about tangible things (*printed documents*) that make it easier to retain important details rather than just staring at the screens of your phones and computers. For example, when the exam has started and you read the question, you begin to recall that familiar keyword written in your notes (*page 3, paragraph 5, lower right corner, highlighted with a yellow marker*). That worst. 😅 Since the pandemic started, I'm the oldest, next to my grandma, in the house. That being said, I'm in charge to buy groceries and stuffs essential to the house. I don't know if you can call it ***Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD***) but I usually buy things in pair. Mostly in toiletries. Toothpastes, toothbrushes, sanitary napkins, bathroom tissues, shampoos, soap, everything. I do buy in pairs not because it's on sale or anything but it concerns me that when the time comes that I almost run out of supply, I wouldn't have to be that worried because I have something reserved to replace it. I like following schedules and plan things ahead of time. I usually put reminders on a specific date to keep me on track about the activities. Now that I'm just staying in the house, my mind is always active to think about things to do when in fact there's nothing much to do. 🤷♀️ My mind is too active that my body can't cope up. Is this something to do with introversion? I wrote an article about my trip to Davao to attend a Christening and the good thing is that my friend informed me a month ahead before the date. And so, it didn't become a huge issue for me to attend or not because I was given enough time to contemplate and weigh things on what to do or what not to do.
I overthink. I'm concern about every little detail. If something goes beyond my expectation, I easily lose focus and feel demotivated. That is also the reason why I'm very cautious to say something especially when talking to a person because he may be offended or maybe I'm just too emotional (*Cancer lives within me*) Going back to the schedules, I plan it ahead of time. If something unexpected happens and interferes with it, I get distracted and I'll end up doing nothing all day. Even if I force myself to recover and get back on track, my mind wouldn't cooperate. Then, my thoughts would eat up my system telling me that I'm not productive, I'm no good. After contemplating, it would stress me out I should compensate, double-time, and adjust my schedules the next day so I can make it up to the things I fell behind. Even with charging my phone, I always see to it as much as possible that I charge it the same time I charged it yesterday so I can follow my routine in activities online. If I fail to do it, then it will stress me out to the bones. Imagine how busy my mind is every day to deal with all these thoughts? It's just tiring. If you are an 8 to 10 months old user here like me, then you should probably know my story. That time, I let my thoughts overrule me. My body couldn't keep up with the intense activities going through my mind. ***How am I today?*** I would say that I have improved a lot. If before I was too concern about other's status (careers) and compare myself to them, I don't do that anymore. That gave me inner peace. I deserved that. With schedules, I still do that. I think this habit will forever stay in me. I still get stressed whenever I fall behind schedules but at least I learned to tell myself to "take it easy" and acknowledge that not everything goes with my plans.
In fact, I am way too behind about my piano covers. I have tons of songs written on queue in my notes and it stresses me out to do all of it. If you're one of those who requested a song, forgive me for being such a turtle. The progress is too slow because I'm juggling household duties, writing and making noise, and practicing the keyboard every day. 😅 Although it's safe to say that this is good stress for me because I'm stressing out over my passion and it's not something I don't want to do. There's a huge difference between the two. So, are these things normal? Or are these just associated with introversion? I would appreciate hearing your thoughts about this. Thanks for reading! Keep safe everyone ❤
37 comments
I’m an extrovert but sometimes I feel like I’m OC too, especially with schedules. Way before, I used to do anything to meet my schedule even if that means over-exerting myself but now I’m slowly learning to be patient, which like the hardest thing ever. I’m not entirely sure if it’s associated with introversion but I do think many other people experience this.
>Way before, I used to do anything to meet my schedule even if that means over-exerting myself but now I’m slowly learning to be patient, which like the hardest thing ever. Oh my God, this is soooo meee. Over-exerting. That's why I got burned out. My body couldn't keep up what my mind demands. 🤦♀️
I actually had mild anxiety because of it and I want everything perfectly done and on track but with this pandemic a lot of plans had been cancelled, I really have to learn that not everything goes my way and that’s a hard place to come out from 🥺
I have this weird habit of imagining a pitcher and draws it in my mind. I can't keep still when I am relaxed.Its like counting its sides. I don't know why.. 😅
It's like you are measuring it once it goes the other side and back and forth? 😁
Something like that but i am not measuring it. Its just keep on playing like a digital drawing of a pitcher. 😅
Ano kaya meaning ng pitcher na yan. 🤔
I don't know. When I was younger It was a cup, but if I tried to imagine drawing a cup, i began to feel uneasy. 🙄
Parang obsession na sya ano, and you're having compulsive thoughts if you don't do it.
Yes, That is why i also think of myself weird sometimes.
Ang kulit nung 10 words. Parang ang hirap lang nung kung kailangan lagi 10 words. Pero meron ako napanood na Hollywood movie noon na hindi lalagpas ng 5 words ata yung sasabihin nung bata. Nalimutan ko na kung anong movie yun. Relate na relate na ako doon sa highschool. Hahaha. Ako naman kapag magrereview, gagawa ako notes ko din or minsan irerewrite ko yung nasa notebook ko. Tapos after rewrite, yung keywords naman then definition. Basta nakasurvive naman ako ng ganun. Hahaha. Tapos ayaw ko ng nagrereview na maingay. Kasi yung iba di ba nakakapag-aral ng may TV or music? Ako gusto ko total silence. Isa pa yung may correction. Hahaha. Naaasiwa din ako kapag may erasure or ang panget ng penmanship ko. Hahaha. Pero kapag pumanget na sulat ko or may erasure, hindi ko na feel pagandahin pa yung mga susunod na notes. Nakakamiss ang pagiging estusyante. 😁
Hehe. Ako naman, gusto ko may background na noise ng TV. Ayaw ki ng may music kase mapapakanta ako. Yung 100 tula para kay Stella, isa yong movie about speech issues din 😅
Ay oo nga si 100 Tula. Hahaha. Baka nga yun yung napanood ko. Kuya ko din ok sa kanya may TV. Pero minsan naman gusto din ng sobrang tahimik. Nagpabili pa ear plugs noon.
Hehe. May similarities pala tayo ng mga habits noh. Kakatuwa lang. 😅
Okay, I don't know what to say. May some similarities sa akin na hindi ko naman pinapansin before pero parang ganoon kasi. High school and until now, sa way ng pagrereview. I always write on a separate sheet of paper then create my own keywords. Sometimes, it's a pattern. And if nasimulan ko na na printed, it should be printed lahat. Basta may pattern. Pati colors ng highlight. It frustrates me pag may naiba, pag wala sa order. Sa schedule, procrastinator kasi ako e pero if I make one gusto ko whatever happens, magawa ko lahat yun. Kahit di ako matulog basta gusto ko tapos lahat. Kasi pag hindi tuloy tuloy na siya. Feeling ko ang unproductive ko. Feeling ko sobrang behind ko na sa schedule. Also, pag nagtutupi ng clothes, gusto ko organized. Not to the point naman na may color coding pero ayoko ng may lukot haha. I mean, I noticed all these just now. Hindi ko naman kasi pinapansin dati. Feeling organized lang ako ganoon, Pag di kasi organized nawawala ako sa focus, lahat nawawala din sa ayos.
Oh myyyy. I can definitely relate to all of these. Except sa hindi matutulog. I can't stand a day without sleep talaga but when I do, sobrang tamlay ko at irritable. About the folding of clothes, I put the newly washed clothes below the clothes on my closet para naka pattern sya and hindi ko maba balik2x ang clothes na susuotin ko. 🙈
I tried konmari method pala sa clothes and ayon color coding na siya ngayon. pero when folding nga, ulit ulit pag di ako kuntento sa fold ko. diko naman talaga pinapansin mga yun e, feeling ko lang OC ako (in a way na joke) (I mean OCD is not a joke ha) ayon nga parang oc oc ganon, ayan, diko maexplain. sa tulog, e hindi talaga ako natutulog. pero super nakarelate nga din ako dito hays.
Kaya naman pala magaan loob ko sayo. Ang dami nating similarities. OCD is no joke talaga and we really can't tell if we exhibit signs like it but upon observing, parang yun na eh. 😅
true nga ate. kaya gets gets din kita e. saka kaya nga, ngayon ko lang din napansin talaga. and nagmmatch nga siya sa mga nabasa ko.
I haven't read your articles since you've been here. But I do get to see that you have a lot of insecurities. What I can tell you is that these are things that can be worked out in the long run. It's all part of the way you look at life. I had many compulsions like that of buying in pairs, I'm done with that because of the economic situation in my country. I mean, with time you change things. You learn new things. When you realize that you have a different behavior than others, it is no longer pathological. Pathological is not realizing your weaknesses. I know you will improve, you must give yourself time for your ideas to mature.
Thank you for these advices, truly appreciated it. I believe I'll get there, with time and experience. At least I realize something about me and that's a huge step already. 😁
Of course you'll make it, you're a sweet and very smart girl. Little by little you will find your way but rest assured that there is nothing wrong with you. You are as normal as any imperfect human being. We all are.
So sweet. Thanks my friend. ❤
I have a colleague na OCD rin, I have to ask if she counts her words too, lol! Just kidding. Anyway, i hope you can read spirit-filled temperaments, idk if there is an ebook for this but its a great help. Sometimes, it must be just our normal temperaments dominating. So, yes I understand myself through that book. But, as I read yourself on this article, i can say that you're purely melancholic, the type that can be misinterpreted as OCD. Except counting words ha, pero aware ka nmn so you can balance things hopefully. God bless you my friend. I hope you'll find breakthrough.
Yup, purely melancholic. Always get driven mainly by emotions 🤦♀️ Hahaha. Mao ganing nglisod kog uli sa duha ka shirts didto sa mall ba kay ma hurt nako ang sales lady. 🙈😆 I guess I have to read that book too. Anything specific with a title?
I think most of the little habits are coming in in childhood and they will leave us. I used to make every single object on the table straight or parallel to each other. It did not feel right to me if one object was in a different angle to the others. I don't do it anymore it left me with time. I am glad you are improved.
Probably it was just a childhood habit. I still remember it sometimes but I don't do it anymore. Weren't you diagnosed with something because of that behavior?
Wow, that was just amazing, keep it up! There 10 syllables. :) That's pretty cute.
Haha. Calculated and well-thought ano? Although it's hard sometimes. 🥴
Hahah I can imagine. :) Hirap nun ah. Mas madali mag rhyme. hahha
It goes the other way around for me. It's harder for me to rhyme words than counting it. 😆
Hahah, but rhyming is fun... counting is.... counting. :P
page 3, paragraph 5, lower right corner, highlighted with a yellow marker). That worst. 😅 Isama mo pa punctuations.. Ganun ako 🤣🤣
Memorized talaga lahat eh. Hahaha.
i think it's close to OCD na nga XD but that's what anxiety does to you din
Haha. So I'm getting there 🥴💔
kind of, but you do say you're getting better UwU so hopefully you don't get to the point of OCD