Life Update: What Is Wrong With Me?

Hey guys, readcash hasn't been my top priority these days. I don't know, I lost my sense of writing and producing content. However, I came here to express what I feel towards myself because even me, I am having a hard time catching up with my difficult personality.

I was wondering if someone understands me here, or if someone shares the same behavior as I have when it comes to establishing relationships (friendship or romantic). For years, I have been studying my personality and I have discovered something as I went through a lot of experiences.

I have this behavior where I can be at my most sociable state online (rarely happens in person, only when I'm most comfortable with you already) and just pour so much energy and enthusiasm in the conversation for a day. However, you should expect me to be distant after that because it's for me to recharge my social battery.

The tendency is that, people whom I interacted with get emotionally attached and expects attention from me after (which I don't blame them because we have established great emotional bond already) and when I explain to them that I don't really mind interacting with them after a week or a month and just catch up things with no bad vibes at all, they get disappointed because I don't meet their expectations.

It's like they want to stay in touch everyday but on my part, they're asking too much for me. And that's where the misunderstanding starts. I am serious when it comes to relationships but isn't it my right to have my personal space and be in my own world too?

What makes me feel bad is that they feel like I am only treating them as an object for entertainment because of my patterns of communication when in fact it's not. It's just that, there are days when you don't feel like talking, right? It's setting boundaries as well.

The thing here is that, I have already told them to manage their expectations and don't demand too much time from me because that's when I go back to my cave and recharge. If I want to get in touch with you, I will do it. That should be out of my own will. Not forced.

But it turns out that we're not on the same page. It makes them feel that they're only an option for me. A lot of us would say that we shouldn't change for who we are, but in reality, it's hard to find people who truly understands you and that explains why I don't have buddies in my life. Maybe because I have been so distant with people all my life.

I want to have this kind of friendship. But I guess it's difficult to find something like this. Are you an irregular texter too?

That's when both parties won't be bothered if you chat back after a week and just continue the conversation as if you stayed in that zone?

I have attachment issues, I would say. I must admit, it's a bad habit of me dismissing someone's feelings towards me when I tell them that they shouldn't get too close to me unless they wanna be romantically involved with me but I must like them back because that's a different story.

I tend to tell them to just chill the friendship and mind each other's businesses but the reassurance is there that you will be there in times of trouble.

Anyway, so much for that. I just came back to let you know that I'm still alive and as always, dealing with the never ending existential crisis. Haha. How are you guys?

Let's catch up in the comment section.

Thanks for reading.

Keep safe everyone!