Let Me Ask You, Do You Even Truly Care For Me?

“Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know” – Ernest Hemingway

My pal Gifter is one of the most brilliant guys I’ve ever encountered. But during these past 5 months of our companionship, I never saw any sign of loneliness in him. Could it be that Mr. Hemingway is wrong in that quote? Or could it be that maybe Gifter isn’t very smart after all?

Gifter is typically a “happy-sunny” person according to my observation... except for that one surprising event when had an emotional outburst… and asked me if I truly care for him.

Before I tell you about it, let’s talk about the buildup.

We spent plenty of weeks adding some few touches on our supposed first singles, making them more compelling. Although, I would say that we only have the basic knowledge of sound engineering. For as long as it sounds good to us, it's fine. We didn't dig into the dynamics yet. 

We tried to record the keyboard part through a MIDI (Musical Instrument Digital Interface) cable but it didn't go through. There were configuration issues and so we resorted to just using my audio interface. Thanks to some free software that we can download online, we still managed to proceed.

It’s a good thing when I have some tools and materials for recording at hand. I got all these materials because I was doing piano covers before and I still do. I just don't have the time to practice new songs for now.

In the midst of all we did, I seem to notice that Gifter has some things that we wanted to achieve, but couldn’t, and I can sense he is a bit disturbed with it.

Could it be that he felt drawn back because his musical partner is a newbie?

My first steps towards vocalizations? Horrible!

Another week came and we tried to record the vocals. I was really concerned of how will I sound because honestly, I didn't sound confident yet at that time. A listener can easily tell that it seemed like I was just forced to sing a song. I still have reservations of singing and as expected, it was awful. 

Gifter nicely told me to have the song only sung by himself. I'll only do the backups. I accepted it wholeheartedly. I felt bad but with the way I sang my part, it was very sluggish. We don't have enough knowledge yet of the techniques and soundproofing skills. So we decided to skip recording first and continue to practice.

At that point, I feel like something is really wrong. Is Gifter having this feeling that he picked the wrong partner? It’s a question that I’m so afraid to hear the answer to.

Another week of practice. We had series of conversations too of how to handle negativity when we get to the surface of being a public figure. At first, I find talks like that to be truly unnecessary. Why do we need to talk about it when it’s really about the music? I thought.

It’s not only about the music, I should have figured that out.

Gifter explained to me that if we hope to become famous someday, we should train ourselves how to behave properly. According to him, there will be an endless barrage of bashers on social media that will attack us, and we have to be ready for it.

“We need to learn how to showcase ourselves properly, or we are doomed towards infamy even before we become famous,” he told me.

As I slowly got the hang of practicing and learning new song every week, the scope gets bigger and the routine gets heavier too. Sometimes, it gets too exhausting, and let me add that Gifter is very demanding in terms of rhythm and melody. Then again, I still chose to go on and live each day with music as the main driving force.

His outburst… that I didn’t see coming.

As I said in the previous articles, we don’t see each other everyday anymore like we used to. Though I like it better that way, Gifter didn’t like it too much. Being the only friend and family that he has here, I should be there for him, everyday, if possible.

Thankfully though, he didn’t push it. He truly understood that I need to have my “emotional-mental” space, me being an introvert and all. But then, there was this strange Facebook message he sent me that goes…

“I work so hard making our songs sound good enough, why am I not hearing any word of appreciation from you? Let me ask you, do you even truly care for me?”

I’ve never been so stunned by any words from Gifter ever, until he threw these questions out. Apparently, I was so focused on my being an introvert and a loner that I forgot to give him words of appreciation. Maybe I did, but for him, maybe he didn’t hear enough words that I truly care.

Since then, I began to make another compromise – to talk more often, and to be a bit more expressive. I realized that with Gifter, I have to come out from some kind of invisible shell, that has prevented a lot of personal growth for years already.

That's all for now. You know, this kind of friendship isn't only about happiness. We shared a couple of misunderstandings too and I believe those were meant for us to tighten the relationship.

Thanks for reading.

Keep safe everyone!