I Disappeared This Long, Here's Why

Hi there! How long has it been? My gosh, I think I haven't published an article for a month and counting. My life has been so busy lately. So I'll share everything here at once.

30th of July 2023

That last Sunday of July was something we didn't anticipate. We were greatly surprised by the news that Sai-sai (our working student/house helper) has decided to leave and look for other opportunities. She didn't inform us (the main people in the house) that she'll be leaving soon. Instead, she informed my uncles about her decision. So when we were informed, it turned out to be an anxious day for me. Here's what it takes if she'll leave, I'll take over the house chores and sleep beside Grandma for the time being while waiting for the new one.

I hate the idea of adjusting my personality again to someone who will live in the house for an undetermined duration. Everything became a stress for me. I'll be the most affected one. Then again, Sai-sai left the day after we were informed so I was kind of furious as to how she decided that way. She gave us reasons for the sudden departure but who are we to stop her? She told us that she's gonna take care of her sick father and look for a boarding house when classes start.

However, I've got some stories and discoveries about her and will write them in another article. Let's talk about that later on. As if it's a relevant one but I'll share it anyway.

31st of July

The night before this was the same day we were informed that she'd be leaving. We didn't expect that it'll be this so soon! As in, literally, the next day after it. So we were left dumbfounded. I even told her that she should've waited for the new one for her to orient how things are going in the house. But yeah, she gave us that urgent reason to take care of his father. I don't know if she's telling the truth. I'll give her the benefit of the doubt but I have caught her numerous times already when she's been keeping things out of our knowledge. It's a form of manipulation and that's betrayal. I will talk more about this soon.

3rd of August

Shiela came. Our new working student. The in-betweens after Sai-sai left and before Shiela came were torture to me. As I said, I was the most affected one. I took over everything and it was very draining. I cried and cried because of exhaustion. It even came to the point of feeling like my body was going to fall anytime.

Shiela came, an incoming 1st year Office Administration major student. It gave me a little bit of hope. However, the anxiety of giving her specific instructions about the house chores is a pain for me. It's not really my thing to instruct someone to do things for me because I'm not good at it. As much as possible, I'll do it on my own. Reaching out to people is the least I would do.

6th of August

We thought everything was slowly settling in. It's Shiela's 4th day since she arrived and she hasn't served that much in the house yet. We understand and gave her consideration because she's new and she's still getting the hang of it.

I woke up early in the morning and mom told me that Shiela would leave. She told mom that she couldn't sleep well at night and that she was experiencing sleep paralysis. That's quite a situation, indeed. And so, the family got very concerned about what the situation would be for me and grandma.

Mom suggested to my uncles (her older brothers) that instead of just staying here by the two of us, we'd migrate to Quezon (my hometown) and be together again with my family. I have been away from home for 4 years to keep grandma company. It has deeply affected my life. I feel insecure and left alone knowing my peers are having a great time with their lives. I feel so small already. I haven't achieved anything grand at all. My life has been so pessimistic.

8th of August

We have finally moved out of that big house. The house we used to live in is actually on the verge of getting sold. I have already shared about this in my previous article. Might as well, leave the house first before reality wakes us up and kicks us out.

We managed to bring the necessary things only for grandma. The day before we left, the ambiance felt so sorrowful. Even Sunny felt it. The next day came, and we finally left.

Grandma's first night here, as expected, was problematic. The environment is new to her, she's stressed, and she's unfamiliar with the house, so we expected she'd throw tantrums and get sensitive in the tiniest details. It was very challenging.

Since the day grandma moved in here, everyone has been trying hard to adjust to her behaviors. We lacked sleep every night, and it seemed like we were always in a hurry because she demanded as much as she wanted to. For now, she's still adjusting but I would say that there's progress as days pass by. Her mood swings are unpredictable but are a lot more manageable than usual.

On my part, I'm feeling emotionally better. Much more stable. I'm with my family, my main emotional support.

Thanks for reading.

Keep safe everyone!