MOTHERHOOD.... Well this is the thing that all women wanted to be. To be a mother.
But the question is, Are we ready to become a mother? How can we adjust from that phase of life, the motherhood? Are we stable enough to raise a kid? Those are just some questions that we may asked to ourselves before we enter motherhood. But...
In my case, all that question never appears on my mind since I promise to myself that I will only enter motherhood once everything I dreamed to become to myself and to my family will already be on the table. In other words, my dream for myself and for my family will not be only a dream but already a reality.
But then suddenly, in any circumstances everything I wanted to be and expected to become were just like a dust that fades away once cleaned. Why??? well this is it....
I was on my 4th year of college at that time, then before the graduation that was last May 2019, I found out that I was already pregnant. At first, I was nervous knowing that I will not be able to gave my family the state of living that I wanted them to have since we are just a poor family and of course I wanted everything to change at least I could let them feel the life that is somehow uplifting the poverty that we experienced. And because I don't want my parents to get disappointed in me, I did not told them my situation that time only I and my boyfriend knows until I graduated college. Then, since I wanted to show my parents that I want to have work already after I graduated, I applied for a teaching job to some private schools since I was graduated with an education course. Then, lucky for me I got a job that time...
My parents still don't know my current situation, until such time that I quitted my job for some health issues, since I have allergy and they said that once we are pregnant we are very vulnerable and my allergy that time attacked me weekly and I always get absent because of it. That's why I was forced to quit my job and that time I already have courage to tell my parents the truth and luckily my parents never said bad things to me rather they heartily accepted my situation and cared for me until I gave birth for my first baby.
All my worries about my parents that they may be get disappointed in me for what happen fades since they never let me feel that they were disappointed. That's why after I gave birth, I have lots of adjustments made like my actions were already limited because I already have a kid to take care of...
Everything changes once we already have a kid and that changes needs time for us first mom to accept and adapt it to ourselves. This time I felt hurt since I don't have work and my partner is also still a student, the hardship of raising a kid is there. The worries that I cannot gave the things that my kid wanted like their diapers, their milk and other that they need. The fear that I may not be able to gave the best for my baby. That's why for now, I'm really persevere to seek for a stable job for my kid and to continue my dream to my family to gave them a better living.
Because I wasn't equipped to become a mother since it was unexpected, I always asked myself... HOW WILL I FACE MOTHERHOOD?? despites the fact that I don't have anything specially on financial thing.
But, I still tried and strived for it. The important thing for me is that I can take good care for my kid no matter what together with my partner. We now faced the outcomes of our actions. An action that's only thinking for ourselves and not thinking of what will happen afterwards.
Therefore, my lesson for this is that.....
"THINK FIRST BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE."
