I felt exhausted... but determined

Have you experienced the thought of quitting? The thought that you can no longer continue living?

Quitting, in a way that you thought of being cursed because of the situation that happens in your life wherein in the first place you never expected it because you set the highest expectations in life which make your lives comfortable and away from any stresses and then suddenly in just a blink everything change and that expectations, or that said highest expectations that you set in your life just fall down and then unexpected happens instead of the expected ones.

And since unexpected happens, eventually I started embracing it and tried to live for it. Since, I made it to myself that's why it's my responsibility to accept whatever it's consequences.

I am a full time mother to my very cute son. I will definitely love my own.

And since, my partner is still a student and don't have a job. That's why I did everything I can to seek for a job for us to raise well our kid and to gave everything he needs. Since, I'm already a professional Teacher and still on my way of processing my application in a public school, I applied first to some online job and that is to teach online since there are lots of online teaching platform nowadays that you earn money while teaching at home or the so called Homebased Online Teaching.

And lucky for me, I was being hired to one of the ESL company that teaches online which somehow helped me earn money and can able to give financial support to my kid.

That is why there are lots of time that I somehow surrender since if I got fully booked I worked at night at 5-6 hours continuously on weekdays and the whole day of weekend. And, we knew that facing the whole time in a computer is very tiring and there are lots of times that I felt sleepy while doing a class and worst is I got slept while teaching to the point that I already talks nonsense and out of the blue explanations and words that I accidentally said to my students which is not in the lesson. And this happens because I'm already not in my pace since I felt very sleepy.

Then, I usually sleep late and will get up early since my son gets up early. So, I need to get up early too.

Also, there were lots of times that I cried in silent that no one knows I cried even my partner for the thought that, what I will have low bookings in my online teaching job, what should I do to give the needs of my sons, his daily needs.

That's why, up until now I'm still seeking for more works online that I somehow can make earning from it while at home.

Therefore, even there are lots of days that I felt very tired and exhausted, still I make sure to myself that I will not it to dominate in me because I have a son that needs me, my love, my care and my support.

That is why, despites that, I always think of my son every time I felt exhausted because it's the only way I felt DETERMINED and still continues FIGHTING.

#theSPIRITofBeingAmother