Have you tried to question yourself if your worth to be the ATE, or the older sister? Because they said that, when the older sibling fails to do the tasks as an ATE or fails to finished studies and became unproductive in life it will goes along to you siblings since they will look up to you and if you showed them that you were LOSER then they won't do anything or something that makes their lives different from me since they would thought about why they will strive for what is the best in them knowing that their ATE/older sibling wasn't doing it. Have you heard this kind of thoughts? Well, I always hear it from other people that is why I really tried my best to be the good role model sister to my siblings and showed them how important to finished studies and I did shown to them and I graduated college and became professional teacher. I did all of this not only for myself but for them that I may serves as their role model and they will perseveres studies and will make their lives comfortable in the future where they may somehow experience the better life or the better state of living.
I have 5 siblings 4 of them were boys .
My heart aches when I knew one of my sibling did not continue his studies where in fact he is already in his senior high school days and after he can finish that one he can somehow get better job and maybe continues to college or takes some TESDA courses for such reasonable works with reasonable salary I must say. I always convinced my siblings not to stop studying because I will help them for it as long as I can because I wanted to sees that they will live a comfortable lives knowing that we never experience that kind of life where we can get what we want and eat what we want. That is why, I really tried to be the best ATE as I can and the be able to provide them especially be able to support them in their studies because that is all I can give to them especially if I will already be working a regular as teacher. But it seems that not all of them understands me, why somehow I scolded them for not taking their studies seriously and still does not value the importance of education.
Just last year November if I'm not mistaken, our family were facing such big problem which caused by one of my brother. He was faced by a raped case. And of course as his family we tried our best not to let him be in jail his whole life because my brother is just 20 years old.
The story is like this: Why he was been charged by that kind of case? It's because ,my brother without us knowing, he had a girlfriend which is a minor I guess the girl is in it's 13 0r 14 years old. I don't really know what comes to my brother's mind why is it he had commit that kind of things like having a minor age girlfriend. Well, when it comes to love I believed also that "Age doesn't matter at all." But the sad thing there is that, my brother who is already 20 years old knows that the girl he tries to be her girlfriend and eventually became his girlfriend for almost 3 months is just our relative and my brother knows that and then he still pursued his intentions.
One evening of that in November, my mom wakes me up since I'm already sleeping that night and told me that my brother were being caught by the girl's aunt in her room and my brother was there already which means my brother enters to the girl's room by passing through the window and the one that caught them said that the girl were already no blouse and only her underwear. And yes, of course it made commotions already and my brother escapes that night, my moms said he runs and they don't know where he is. Well, just to clarify what happens was both my brother and that girl's decision since if it isn't the time my brother enters the room the girl should have shouted if she was being harassed but that doesn't happen because that girl let my brother enters her room too since they are of course girlfriend and boyfriend.
Then, to fast forward the story....
Yes, it's all a big fuss in our barrio, the parents of the girl especially the father got really angry to my brother because he points out that her daughter is just minor and also our relative too why is it my brother attempted to do such things. Of course, I understand the rants of the girl's father since me too I don't know either what's wrong with my brother's mind. With that, the side of the girl files a raped case towards my brother and their case were very strong since they had a medical certificates that says the private part of the girl has shall I say a little scratches because they've done things already that shouldn't be done like we called it, "half half sex". But there was no such intercourse happened between them only a minor scratches of the girl's private part.
That is why when the summon came, we've talked to an attorney and we asked for advice if we will make a counter affidavit of it. And the attorney said to us frankly that even if we will faced them in court we will surely fail since their affidavit were very strong and we can't do to counter it since the girl is also in her minor age. That is why the attorney advised us to just asked for forgiveness to the parents of the girl and tried to pleased them to just closed the case instead. And yes my parents did that, my brother asked for forgiveness on what he did but they will never forgiven and the parents of the girl especially the father said that he will surely let my brother be in jail for what he did to his daughter and my parents can't do anything to pleased them because every time they attempted to do so the father of the girl just ignored my parents. And with that, I felt hurt that we've done everything to just let them forgave us, forgave my brother's doing but then they can't that forgiveness. I also understand since they were the victim and that there side were a girl all I want is that at that time that they won't let the happening be just on my brother's fault just because my brother is not minor and theirs were minor since their daughter also allows everything to happen. That's all I want.
And since, my parents can't changed the mind of the girl's father to just closed the case instead. I tried to convince them myself, and as our talks goes along the father of the girl were really fixed in his decision to let my brother be in prison. That is why, I thought of money, I asked him that we will gave 100,ooopesos as counterpart of the filed case. But I was shocked with what his response, he said that the amount I said is just little and that's why I asked him how much just for him to changed his mind and then he said if we can afford to gave them 200,000 pesos the he will surely lift the case.
And with that, were thankful even if we knew that we can't afford it just to not let my brother be in jail in his whole life. That is why we lend money in return to our coconut farm or we called it "kalubian" and yes we able to let the case closed. And that 200,000pesos is now my responsibility that is why I pursues to be hired in a public school for me to be able to pay it and get the "kalubian".
I must say, that we this happening I always question myself that is it forgiveness nowadays already has value. Even we both know that we were just struggling today because of pandemic and why is it that there is no consideration where in fact I should say it's not all in my brother's fault. Why is it that they never considers that?
Also, I always asked myself, am I not a good sister for them to do such things? Why? This was a question in my mind until now. Why?
Because of what happen, our family were struggling right now that is why I'm seeking and doing every I can from home for me to somehow support my family and also my son. There were always a time that I cried in silent asking myself, Can I be able to support them also we are in the middle of pandemic too? Just recently, my father just got an operation on his eye because of cataract and I can't be able to just gave them support because my service fees in y online teaching is not that much only for my son's needs. Just so hurt, I just felt that the world is so unfair. But, I always seek and thought of positivity and tries to be strong despites problems.
I know and hoped that someday everything will be okay and God gave us problems for us to realized something and He will never gave problem that we cannot solved. Everything can be solved as long as we have faith in it and we believed in ourselves that we can do everything.
Just have FAITH.
