February 14, 2021
The new school year started and I had a new set of classmates again. Myra got married at a young age so she stopped studying, Monet was in another class and my ex was nowhere to be found, he was On and Off in school just like our previous relationship. That time, all my classmates were BSCS students and the majority were boys. I forgot my feelings for my crush and my ex because I want to focus more on my studies. Two more years and I will be graduating, and that year should be something I should take seriously. More projects, the Thesis (I) started, and there were more assignments.
I had my new peer as well, and we were all girls. Since the majority of my classmates were boys, we were like the muses of the class, the flowers over boys (lol). So my new barkadas were Abby the cute little smart girl, Cecile the joker, Algen a girl who got a boy's name, and Wena the pretty and charming little lady. I call Abby and Rowena 'little' because they are short 😅 their heights didn't even reach five feet.
My friend Cecile found out that I broke up with my first BF and she knew my ex as well, so she gave me a textmate in case I want to. It was just textmate anyway so I grabbed it. I considered texting others as my past time hobby before especially when I was bored. So a friend of Cecile named Brian texted me. He has a sense of humor and quite smart as well. He's an engineering student at the biggest university in the city.
We were exchanging texts from time to time. Since I don't want to ask for money for my load from my mother, I always save some from my allowance. We were very close to each other through texts. Then one day, I and Cecile went to the jeepney terminal together, and while on our way, I saw a pair of shoes that were so familiar to me. It's like I saw them somewhere else already. Then a familiar figure come into sight, a guy who was wearing that familiar shoes was my textmate.
My First and Last Love
The shoes were so familiar because Cecile showed her class picture with Brian to me. He is not so handsome but not ugly as well, just a typical guy. I was muted upon seeing him and he didn't recognize me because we didn't see each other in person yet. Until Cecile saw him and called him, "Bri!" As if they didn't see each other for so long. "By the way, this is Ruby, your texmate, she's pretty right?". He was smiling so wide and was blushing at the same time. He can't look straight at me and I can't look straight at him as well. I was even hiding behind Cecile and was cursing her in my mind to stop the conversation and just head out.
The night after we coincidentally see each other, we texted about it and he seemed so happy to see me in person. Our being textmates lasted for few months until September 17, 2008, when he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes because I want to give it a try again. He never had any relationship before so I was his first girlfriend and I felt lucky to be his first.
Since then, we always see each other after class. There's a building near our school which we considered as our meeting place. Sometimes, before heading to the terminal, we eat kikiam and fishballs first and that's how I started to like eating kikiam because I'm not into street foods before.
His sense of humor and being gentlemen made me want to like him more. Sometimes he will carry my bag and put his arm over my shoulder while walking to the terminal. He's kind of sweet and our endearment was 'Bhe' short for 'Babe'. And every weekend, we will watch a movie at the cinema near our school, he will buy the tickets and I will buy the snacks. And one of our favorite movies was 'A Very Special Love' by Sarah G. and John Lloyd. He even tried to copy Sarah's sundance in front of me and I laughed so hard seeing him dancing like an idiot 😂.
We made sure to make our Saturdays 'sulit' (worth it) because we can't see each other on Sundays. Our load before has unlimited text with free calls. We were always counting the messages we received and I get mad every time there's a missing one because that means he used his load to text others. If there were 100 free texts, he should send me 100 messages as well 🤣.
Time passed by and I found myself being hooked by his love. I fell in love with him seriously, not just a teenage infatuation nor a puppy love. I missed him so much every time he doesn't have a load to text me. And sometimes if he's busy at something or will go somewhere with his friends, he will gonna ask my permission first before doing anything.
Then here comes our fourth year, I became busy with my Thesis, and he was busy with his feasibility study too. His course was five years so I will graduate first before him. Because of my busy schedule, I decided to rent a room again near our school. And because of his busy schedule, he rented a room too in a boarding house which was exclusive for boys. (By the way, we both lived in different province, he's from Leyte and I'm from Samar) Then one night something happened, and I thought it will change everything.
As @Ruffa and @bmjc98 said in their articles, people changed once they have finally mined the precious gem. But he didn't changed at all and our relationship even become stronger. We both managed to handle our studies and our relationship well. Sometimes we talk about our future and our plans after our graduation. We never fight because of a third party but only on simple things.
There was a time that I challenged his love and loyalty to me. I used a different simcard to text him and flirted with him through text. But I failed because he knew my texting style and he knew that it was me who was texting him. He even told me that I was his only girl and he doesn't have any plan to flirt with other girls. And one day I told him "let's break up, I am not happy anymore". I thought he will gonna buy it and will just give up because I asked for a break up many times already. But no, he said he loves me and he doesn't want to break up with me.
That made me love him so deeply. Then at the end of the school year, I was worried that we won't see each other more often anymore. I graduated first but I looked for a job right away so I can live in the city. I was always stressed at home so I wanted to live in the city to always see him. Luckily, I got one but we seldom see each other because of his tight schedule. They were already busy preparing for their feasibility study and projects, making sure to pass their final examination to be able to graduate. The Civil Engineering course is not an easy one so I understand his situation.
They have this INC teacher and he was encouraged to convert his religion to INC. And one day he brought me to his school to attend their prayer meeting after class. I was hesitant at first because I don't want to change my religion nor see his classmates. But they know me already so I just tried it. I saw a different Brian in there and I thought to myself that, "one day I will gonna marry this man". That night after the prayer meeting, he brought me to his town because he said he wants to get something.
Using his friend's motorcycle, we drove to their town and he always reminded me to hold tight to him. But in my mind, I was asking myself if I am ready to face his family. When we get to their place, I didn't go with him to their house to see his family. I was ashamed and not prepared yet at that time. My classmate Cecile's house was just near to his so I just stayed on the street talking to Cecile. He drove me back to the city and he bid goodbye.
Their graduation came and I was so happy for him. That time I was at home and busy doing something. He invited me to attend his graduation party at home and his sister also texted me about it. (I was quite close to his sister already in the text) I just told his sister that I was so busy but the fact was, I was not ready to face his family yet.
I came from a big family and we were not that rich compared to his family. "What if they will judge me? What if they will not accept my family?" I have so many 'what-ifs' in my head at that time and I was so mad being part of my family. I always blamed them for being not totally happy because of them. And my parents still doesn't want me to enter a relationship yet even if I finished my studies already. They always wanted me to help them and they didn't even care about my happiness.
After his graduation, he started to change. We seldom see each other or text each other. I was busy at work and he was busy studying for his board examination. I can also feel that his love for me is not the same anymore. Maybe because I always rejected his invitation to see his family. What if it was his test for me? But I just failed it.
And one day he told me that he will go to Cebu with his friends to take a review for the upcoming board exam. "Why do you need to go far?" I asked him. He just answered, "because our teacher recommended a good review center in Cebu". I was not at the right place to hinder his plans so I don't have a choice but to agree.
We seldom talk to each other because he said he was always busy studying. I hated LDR, even until now. I trusted him and waited until he took the board examination. He's smart so I was confident that he can pass it which he did.
We met each other after passing the board exam and I was so happy for him. My mind was already thinking about our future when he told me that he will work in Cebu with his friends. There was an offer for them in Cebu. And again, I was not in the right place to stop him and have no choice but to let him go.
One of my officemates was his high school classmate and one day she asked me if we already broke up with each other. I was shocked by her question and I asked her why. She said that his profile photo on Facebook is different. My heart beats so fast upon hearing her answer and since we were not allowed to use our phone during office hours, I checked his FB status after work.
Tears started to fall upon seeing his profile photo with another girl. We didn't even break up yet, and he didn't tell me anything about it. That night, I called him but he didn't answer my calls. I called him many times until he turned off his phone. I was in my room crying so hard and cannot accept the things he did to me. Then he called me and explained everything.
He said that he met the girl on a ferry going to Cebu and she's a member of INC too. He said that they are not in a relationship YET, which means that he already planned to court her. I tried to fix our relationship and told him to hold on but I was just so stupid to do that. He already made his decision, and because he found someone, he already had a gut to break up with me. That was even hurting to know that he was only holding onto me because he was not ready to let go of me yet, that he doesn't wanna be single.
I felt like I was being used. And being betrayed by someone I truly loved was so hurting. I even thought to cut my wrist that night but I was too weak to do it, besides, I thought of my family and my mother. Since I cannot do anything, I just cried and cried until I fall asleep.
The tone of my alarm woke me up the next early morning because I need to go to work. My eyes were swollen from crying and I can't hide it from my officemates. I want to file a leave but it won't do good to me, I need to face and accept it. The moment they saw my swollen eyes, they already know what happened to me since they heard the news from my talkative officemate about the FB status of my BF, I mean EX already.
It Was A Blessing In Disguise
At lunch, my throat seemed to be blocked that I can't swallow my food. I was losing my appetite then I saw a bunch of new officemates on the next table. I sat down on the vacant seat and tried to swallow my food. I looked blank and tears started to fell again. My new officemates noticed it and comforted me. They said positive words to help me motivated and moved on.
From that day, I always go with them and they always brought me to a snack house near our workplace. As a part of giving thanks to them, I sometimes paid for our foods since I always got a weekly incentive for being the top employee in our department. That was also the reason why I doesn't want to make absences at work because it will cut off my weekly incentives.
Sometimes, we visited a videoke bar and they will sing songs to keep me alive. I want to drink the bottles of alcohol they were drinking but I just can't because my alcohol tolerance was so low. After few weeks of going out with them, I leanred to forget the painful breakup little by little. But there were times that I missed him so much so I will stalk his FB account but just ended up crying after seeing new photos of him with that girl who caused our breakup.
More months have passed but I didn't totally move on yet. I don't know what to do anymore as I was hurt so badly. I hate seeing him so happy with another girl while I was still stuck in the past.
Then I told myself not to love anymore, to close my heart to anyone else. At that moment, I hated LDR, I hated boys with the same name as him, I hated seeing couples in love, I hated to cry again because of a man. And the last thing I told myself before I totally let go of my feelings for him, "I can live without a man and he will gonna be my first and last love".
But if God will give me the right man, I want him to court me in person and not through text. I want him to see my family and accept them willingly. I want him to show his love to me every day and will always be at my side, not LDR.
I met a man after that, my new officemate. And I guess I will write another story about that. For now, I will end this series of stories "To All The Boys I Love Before". I should entitle this "To All The Boys I Liked Before" since I only loved one person in my entire life 😅.
Because of our painful breakup, I learned my lessons and I learned not to trust boys that easily anymore. And I learned to love and to value myself more than anything else.
My first bf is now a divorced man, we even chatted with each other on messenger and he sometimes joked at me that the next time we see each other again, he will not let go of me. But I know it's just a joke and I don't want to go back to my past anymore.
My first love is now a father and a loving husband to his pretty wife. After he worked in Cebu, he went to Manila where he met his wife. Before they get married, he sometimes chatted with me on messenger as well. And I was happy to know that he and the lich girl didn't end up being together. He is now working as an engineer somewhere in the Middle East and he successfully converted his whole family to become INC, as well as his wife. And I am happy that he is happy now.
I hope you enjoy and learn some lessons from this story.
What about you, what have you learned from your painful breakup?
Nice article!