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To All The Boys I Love Before

**February 9, 2021** Let's take a break from CrypTalk for now since it's the month of love. Yeah, the month of love for those who are in love 😅. I was inspired to write this by @Ruffa after reading her Untold Love Story. I am single but that doesn't mean I have never been in love. Yes, I've been in love but just like Ruffa, it was a secret love story. It's all up to you if you want to read this or not 😅. When did my heart started to beat? I mean, when did I started feeling that tingling sensation 😅🤣. (You know what I mean 🤣) Let me share this story. And I will call this... To all the boys I love before.... Being the firstborn daughter and one of the eldest child is a blessing BUt a curse. A curse because I need to help my mother take good care of my little siblings. And I don't only have one, two, three, four, but I have siblings more than my hand fingers 🙈. We are such a big family, a very big family. When I was still younger, I even hope for my father not to go back home, so my mother won't get pregnant (l🤣l). Okay, so that was just an introduction to our big family. So being the eldest daughter is a curse. I need to become a responsible daughter at a young age. And my mother doesn't want me to have a boyfriend because she wants me to finish my studies first. Poor heart, poor Jane. Additionally, my father was a soldier, and I was afraid of him. Just hearing his scary voice made me startled. I don't want to have a heart attack at a young age. So I just followed their rules. But hey! I have a heart, and it beats suddenly. The First Crush When I was in my second year of high school, I meet this guy called Rolando. His charming eyes, cute face, and smile made my heart grow fonder. He had this surname called "*Padaon*," and during that time, the song "*Pagdating ng Panahon*" by Jolina Magdangal was viral. Every time he passed by, I and my friends were singing "🎶🎶*pagdating ni Padaon, baka ikaw rin at ako* 🎶🎶." I was "*super kilig to the bone*" and blushing while seeing his smile. Although it wasn't for me. It was for my classmate whose brother was his close friend. But I didn't feel hurt, because they were only friends. Every day, I was hoping that he will look and smile at me. But every time our sight collide it was me who first looked away. My heartbeat was always pacing so fast every time he was near me. One time I caught his eyes looking in my direction. I wondered if he was staring at me or at my classmate who was next to me. But since I have a crush on him, I just thought that it was for me (in my dreams 🤣). I felt so worried when I didn't saw him passing by anymore. I asked my classmate, "*where is Padaon*?" My colorful day suddenly painted black and grey when I found out that he transferred to another school that was so far from our school. He didn't even confess his feelings for me yet (in my dreams again 😂), I mean, I didn't even show my feelings for him yet 😢. My source of inspiration was suddenly gone and there I was, back to the boring house wearily, erasing the memories of my first crush. Hopeless Romantic Years passed and I didn't bother making crushes again. I focused more on studies while enjoying being with my peer at school. I joined COCC when I was in my third year because I like seeing the officers wearing uniforms like a soldier. My father was a soldier so he liked it much when I joined the group. He even bought a complete set of uniforms for me. I became an official CAT (Citizenship Advancement Training) officer in my fourth year. I was a platoon leader (2nd Lieutenant) in the Charlie company and I got more friends from the CAT group. There is this Company commander officer named Joselito. He has a sense of humor and has a twin brother who is an officer as well. One day, the officers were teasing us just like they want to ship us. I don't actually like him but we were quite close to each other because of everyday assembly at our office after classes. Because of his sense of humor, I started to like him but he never knew about that. Every time he looked at me, I was "*kinikilig*" but never showed it up in front of him. I was an officer wearing a uniform so I always wanted to look snappy. I thought he will going to court me. And I waited for that to happen. I even thought that he might gonna be my first boyfie. But suddenly one day, I found out that he is in a relationship with my friend. I was like, "*when did they become in a relationship? when did the courtship start?*" I was really shocked when I heard the news because I and my friend were always going home together and she never share anything between the two of them. I felt like my friend betrayed me. She was there when one time the officers were shipping us. Seeing them together was heartbreaking. But then I was a good friend so I just forgot my hidden feelings for him. I don't want to ruin our friendship as well so I decided to set them free, or should I say, let go of my feelings for him. And there I was, standing alone, like a hopeless romantic. It's quite long now... So I will continue the story in part 2 😅 The real "in relationship" status started when I was in college, the secret relationship I should say. If you guys want to know about it, just comment down below. 😁 I also noticed that the name of my crushes in high school are for *tanders* 😅🤣 Learn the Filipino language: ***Kinikilig*** - there is no exact english translation of this word actually. We can say in English that ***kinikilig***  is a present progressive form of **KILIG** that is equivalent to '**tickled pick**', '**romantic exhilaration and thrill', or 'amorously excited'.** It's the feeling you feel when you see your crush or when your loved one makes you flatter. There is a '**blushing**' effect when someone is *kinikilig* 🥰. ***Super kilig to the bone -*** is just the extent feeling of 'kinikilig.' ***Tanders*** - this is actually just an expression we use referring to an old style name, or can be an old fashion clothes, or anything old 😅. Now you know it! Are you *kinikilig* everytime your boyfie say 'I Love You to you? 🥰 Or do you feel that 'kilig' feeling when your crush winked at you? 😉 **Hope you like this. Thanks for reading @Jane 😘** I wasn't supposed to publish this but I didn't write an article for today.. So I decided to post this. 😅 Rusty doesn't want me to be absent because he won't give tips to my previous article. But he is sometimes absent 😢. How unfair 😒😒

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