People see me as strong, fearless, noisy, ecstatic. But, what was there behind those smiles, laughters, victories, and aplomb?
Something few people realize about me is that I have a lot of insecurities. Most of the time, I doubt my capablities, I doubt my strengths, I doubt my worth. I am always wondering if I could really do a certain task. I'm impulsive when it comes to decision making for I am afraid of failures. I have inner demons.
People always congratulate me for winning various contests. They always congratulate me for being confident enough to articulate well myself. Little do they know that I was in fact nervous speaking in front. I was actually shaking inside knowing that anytime I could utter an inappropriate word that might make me fail. People always appreciate my communication skills especially when I am hosting different events. Little do they know that I was actually insecure with my pronuciation and enunciation knowing that the moment I would fail, others may immediately criticize me. Others always tell that I am intelligent but I know I sometimes lack wisdom. I sometimes or always fall short when it comes to practical and real- life situations.
In short, I have a lot of insecurities. They don't see my monsters inside. They don't see my pain. All they see is the victory that I achieve, the medals that I receive, the grades that I get. But, behind those laurels are insecurities, the monsters that I always battle with.
In spite of these scars, it is when I remember the strong support system that I have, those people who always believe in me that I am encouraged to fight these monsters inside me and chase them all away. The battlefield always leaves me scars, but these scars are indeed beautiful.
I really enjoyed reading the article. My friend has become really beautiful. Thanks for sharing the post