What Being in a Relationship with a Narcissist Is Really Like

The word "narcissist" has permeated everyday speech and is casually used in everything from TikTok videos to everyday discussions. But the majority of folks are doing it wrong. Most of the time, what they're describing is just a jerk, not a narcissist.

A narcissist is a very particular breed that causes a certain kind of harm. A jerk is a jerk, period. You are unhappy that someone you care about could treat you cruelly, and you are even more upset with yourself for tolerating it, but eventually you come to the realization that you deserve more and move on.

A narcissist will find a way to delve deep inside of you. He or she can do harm that lasts for a lifetime if you don't deal with it and genuinely fight it.

But how would it be to have a relationship with one of these evil beings? Be it in a romantic, family, friend, or business relationship. And how is it that they are able to harm their victims so severely?

Typically, it appears as follows:

1. They are solely driven by the need to bolster their own ego.

It's crucial to understand that narcissists are driven purely by their need to satisfy their own ego. All done. Every person they come into contact with is a tool to achieve that particular goal. If someone can't provide them with the narcissistic supply they require, they will either wreck their life or avoid them.

A narcissist is incapable of showing you true concern on a human level. They simply lack the capacity. You are present to assist them. You are a pawn, not a real person.

This can be perplexing since a narcissist is skilled at making it seem as though they care about you, but if you look a little closer, you'll realize that the only time they truly seem to "care" is when it benefits them in some way. They never act with a self-serving motive.

2. You'll get gaslighted to the moon by them.

Despite being a term you hear everywhere, the term "gaslighting" really originated in a British play that was later made into a film in the 1930s called The phrase "Gas Light." In it, a husband manipulates and verbally and emotionally abuses his wife, even convincing her that she is dreaming the gas light in the house decreasing each night while he was the real culprit. He pushes her to the point where she loses faith in her own feelings as well as in what she is hearing, seeing, and feeling.

Because they can cause you to lose touch with reality, narcissists can be difficult to fully recognize and eliminate from your life. They distort you to the point that you can no longer have any faith in yourself.

I was dating a stereotypical narcissist who I overheard chatting to several other women. You would assume that I would leave... But he persuaded me that he wasn't attempting to hook up with any of them; rather, he was just leaving the possibility open in case he and I didn't end up clicking. Oh, I see now!

He was so persuasive, too, that I couldn't help but trust him. I ultimately felt bad for him since he needed to make a few backup plans because he was so "worried" about our relationship ending and how terrible that would be for him.

A narcissist will act in this manner. They will alter reality in whatever way to suit their desired outcomes.

3. They make meaningless compliments.

Using phrases like "I really respect you and value you but..." before saying something that completely devalues and disrespects you is a classic narcissist approach. Once more, this makes it impossible for you to distinguish between what is real and what is true.

They just compliment you to further their own objectives. Perhaps they want to reassure you so they can retake control, or perhaps they want to feed your ego so they can feed theirs (and we've previously established that this is what they live for!). In any event, they are once more solely serving their own interests.

4, You're always wrong and they're always right.

A narcissist will create an absurd word salad to support their position that they are correct and you are mistaken. They won't ever admit to being at blame, regardless of your evidence, logic, or reason. They will focus on one aspect of what you said that was completely unrelated to the overall discussion in order to make a point when there wasn't really a point to begin with.

You will wear yourself out trying to convince them to see things as they are because they cannot and will not accept responsibility for anything.

5. They need sympathy.

This is a fascinating fact about narcissists because we typically associate them with being arrogant and having grandiose delusions. This is accurate. However, they will also heavily rely on the victim card to make you feel bad for them. Why? Naturally, so that they can control you.

They might recount to you how miserable their upbringing was. the heartbreak that destroyed them, their mental health difficulties, etc. You will feel sorry for them since you are a kind person. You might begin defending them. They are powerless to stop. He's not to blame. Then you are exactly where he wants you. He begs for your sympathy in an effort to control you and remain in your life.

6. Their excuses serve their own interests.

Another shocking fact about narcissists is this. A narcissist will apologize—if necessary—despite never taking ownership or responsibility for their actions.

Narcissists are familiar with interpersonal dynamics. They are aware that others have emotions and limitations. The issue is that they will never be able to really understand another person's suffering. When a narcissist apologizes, it's not to make you feel better; rather, it's because he wants to end the argument since it makes him uncomfortable. It's about putting things back on track, not about taking blame.

If a narcissist fears abandonment or was caught red-handed and is unable to word-swallow his way out of it, he may even apologize to regain control over you. He may apologize, but don't be deceived—he never will be.

The 10 Best Ways to Trick a Narcissist To Protect Yourself.

Keep your traumas and insecurities to yourself. In reality, send out a red herring to determine in advance whether this person is actually safe.

The traumas and anxieties you divulge to narcissists and psychopaths will be used against you. Narcissistic versions of "Miranda rights," remember them. Any information you provide the narcissist can and will be used against you in a court of their misguided perception and imagination. Give a red herring instead of revealing information that a potential romantic partner, friend, or work colleague can use against you. Share a minor insecurity or concern (which can be true or untrue) and watch to see if the narcissist uses it against you as a subliminal put-down or as a technique to undermine your self-esteem if you suspect that they are trying to delve into your history for material. Now that you are fully aware of the kind of person you are dealing with. If you have any moral concerns regarding Just keep in mind that you wouldn't divulge any information to a kidnapper that could hurt you or others, so why would you provide it to someone who intends to hold you hostage emotionally? Since these people are already preemptively attacking you with the intention of manipulating you for their own gain, moral absolutism will not be able to shield you from them or defend you from them.

Act as if you are unaware of their genuine personality.

When they believe they're not being believed, wolves in sheep's clothes are considerably more prone to expose their whiskers, watched. When you're just starting to know someone, resist the desire to tell them explicitly that you know they're a narcissist or to point out their warning flags. Instead, keep a close eye on them. Plan a safe exit while acting as though you are falling for the scams. Take note of their recurring patterns of conduct and decide to distance yourself when necessary. When they believe you are being duped by them, they are considerably more inclined to display their warning signs. By the time you escape, they won't be aware of what went wrong, and as an added bonus, since they won't be aware of which strategies are obvious, they'll continue to use the ones that make them more vulnerable to new victims, assisting in the prevention of more crimes. manipulation later on.

Lie about your life to keep yourself safe.

You don't discuss your problems with narcissists or psychopaths. They don't need to know that you're looking for the love of your life, that you're trying to recover from a toxic relationship from the past, that you need financial assistance, that you're new to the area, that you have health difficulties, or that you've lately stopped speaking to your friends. Narcissists are searching for these openings so they may more easily take advantage of you. To achieve what they want (e.g., "How about we get married and I take care of you?"), they want to be the ones who seem to offer you a perfect option. Instead, be evasive and assert that you have a large number of devoted friends who are ready to defend you, as well as a number of police officers and attorneys who have previously looked out for you. Act as though you have always received favorable treatment in previous relationships and that you have always had limits that are enforced with penalties when broken. Make sure that whatever story you tell portrays you as someone who should "not be messed with." When narcissists realize their opponents have the means to protect themselves, they are less likely to "play" with them. They won't die from something they don't know, and it will only serve to keep you safe.

From the beginning, dial back their love bombing.

With future-faking and excessive early contact, attention, and affection, the narcissist will fast-forward you. The trick is to subtly slow down their love bombing while they're unaware of it. In order to prevent them from developing suspicions beforehand, make sure you project the image of having a busy life full of activities. As a result, they will be aware that they must earn your time and attention by sincere gestures and actions. In certain situations, the majority of narcissists will choose to withdraw because they desire a victim who will be susceptible to their mind tricks. Even the people who follow you because they enjoy a challenge will eventually tire of pursuing you.

Before they start withholding from you, get what you need.

A cost-benefit analysis should be used while dealing with narcissists in co-parenting circumstances, the workplace, school, or any other setting where you can't avoid them. Do you require anything specific from them? If so, make an effort to obtain that before they start withholding from you. You should probably wait to face your ex-spouse until after they have taken the kids for the weekend if you need them to. Before you decide to criticize or denounce your coworker, you might need to obtain the contract they need to sign approved. If you require your classmate, who is known for being slow, to participate to a group project, you might need to wait until they have contributed before adding your effort. It's not about manipulating people; it's about understanding how toxic individuals operate and acting in accordance with that knowledge.

Continuous fact-checking will help you fend off their gaslighting.

You must be careful not to take the narcissist's charges as gospel. Check the facts to avoid being gaslighted by them. If they claim, for instance, that "no one else has ever had this problem with me," checking with their former partners will quickly dispel this claim so you can depart from the relationship with less self-doubt. Remembering the compliments you've received from empathic people when someone criticizes you can reassure you that their point of view is skewed. You should continue to build on your strengths and favorable traits. That is who you truly are, not the person the narcissist is trying to convince you that you are.

Note everything down.

In dealing with narcissists, documentation is essential. This is crucial in divorce and custody processes, but it's also crucial in abuse, stalking, and harassment cases, as well as in the avoidance of gaslighting. Keep your distance if you think you're dealing with a poisonous person. screenshots, texts, voicemails, recordings of phone conversations and in-person meetings (if permitted in your state), and voicemails. This will not only benefit you legally, but it will also provide you with a wealth of information on this person's identity and potential so that you may evaluate their credibility as needed.

When necessary, flatter them or intentionally make it appear as though what you want is their idea.

The final recourse should be flattery. If you need a narcissist to accomplish something and can't avoid them, you need to convince them that it was their idea and would benefit them. Unfortunately, unless there is something of value in it for them, these poisonous sorts are unlikely to submit to your will just to make you happy or to benefit you. For instance, if you co-parent with a narcissist who won't budge on adhering to the visitation schedule, you might emphasize to them how they'll be the "Dad of the Year" to everyone if they take the kids to the zoo, appealing to their need for praise from the community and sense of impression management. In order to get a toxic coworker to approve a project, you can choose to emphasize how much money it will make and how it will set them up for a promotion if everything goes well.

Without informing them, throw them away first.

Never announce your intention to leave a narcissist. If not, they'll try to bomb you in an effort to convince you to stay, starting the cycle all over again. They might also threaten revenge and act violently, doing anything they can to thwart your plans. There are several safe ways to get rid of a narcissist so that you can escape and be free; just keep the narcissist in the dark until after you escape.

Organize justice covertly.

Many narcissist sufferers want restitution for the suffering they endured. Everyone's conception of justice may be different. Some people define justice as receiving money or a settlement. Others interpret it as progressing and succeeding, leveling up to the point where the narcissist's energy can no longer even touch you. For some, exposing the narcissist is the definition of justice. Whatever route you take, it's crucial that you keep your plans a secret and safeguard your safety. As an illustration, if you intend to divorce a narcissist, Get a financial planner and a lawyer well in advance to make sure you are protected throughout the procedure. Instead of alerting the narcissist you want to seek justice, let justice develop naturally and prepare your counterattack covertly. The narcissist won't anticipate it when you return triumphantly as never before. You'll be a force to be reckoned with.

I have this kind (special) of people around me and that's why I'm taking time to write about this today. Thanks for staying with me.

All images were taken from unsplash.com