Overcoming my depression

I have demons, you have demons. Mine is torturing me in a unique way, and yours torturing you in a unique way. I can't teach you to fight your demons! I will not know or feel your demons. All I can tell you, you must continue to fight.

What did not work for me?

When my depression was at its peak, I went to a therapist who reviewed my situation and offered advice and anti-depressants.

Disclaimer: THIS PROCEDURE MAY AFFECT OTHERS.

But I know myself and I know this is not my medicine.

Two sessions of counseling, I left the therapy. I do not take medicine.

What worked for me to overcome depression?

I let myself fall.

• I cried and cried many hours during the days and months.

• I allowed myself to feel all the pain, shame, fear and suffering.

• I have to feel to get rid of myself.

I asked for help.

• I let my 2-3 closest friends know I was having a hard time.

• I told them I needed their support and they got stronger.

One of them would drop by our house every day to make sure I was well. He also texted me 2-3 times a day to check on my mental state and to get me out.

Another friend still gets me avocado sandwiches every time he sees me stressed; as in my depression phase, I stopped eating.

When I felt slightly ready, or maybe my tears just dried up, I made a schedule for myself.

I protect myself from the world while at the same time my inner demons are allowed to kill me, by going into a separation mode.

So my new schedule focuses on activities that may involve human interaction.

For example, no matter how bad I feel, I go to the gym for an hour every day with my friend.

There, I met fellow students / regular gym and was forced to have a conversation.

It brought back a whiff of normalcy in my life.

I channeled my self-loathing into weight weights. I was so overweight then!

I punished myself by challenging my body (in a safe, incremental way). My inner voice told me I was weak and insignificant, the weights on the cane said differently.

I was forced to cook at least one special dish a week.

Finding the right recipe, shopping for ingredients, the process of cooking something I used to like, all therapeutic. I feel like I live for myself and not for others through this little act of self-pampering.

For me, during depression, getting up to bed is the biggest struggle.

I just wanted to hide under my blanket, praying to die. The small gestures mentioned above forced me to get up and move.

I struggled a lot at first but slowly gave up on my new schedule.

With the support of my friends and family and my constant efforts not to drown, I was devastated.