This is what I'm struggling about.
Life is pretty short if you ask me. Sure, 60-70 years seems like a very long time but only from the perspective of a third person. Think to yourself, do you feel the time you were a child was too long? I suppose not. I am 21 and I feel like I started studying just a year or two ago. Then I realized I started it 14 years ago. From kindergarten up to college.
So, life goes on and times continue to change and so do you, except for that part of yourself that is not. No matter how hard you try, there will be some things about you that you can resist with great force but will not change about yourself. Ever.
Me feeling emotion is one of those things. Life should be simple, right? I am a simple person. I am above average in education and slightly below average in appearance but I do not care about the second part because the first part enhances eternal life.
You'd think I had it all, everything I knew it seemed. Beautiful and openly parents, not any financial problems like such and good education. People often tell me how good my life is and why I complain and how I always do the right thing.
But from my experiences (no matter how difficult they are), there is nothing harder than doing the right thing in life.
I have always been good at reading people and being friendly and emotional. I feel and I feel my feelings, both mine and that of others.
However, there is another part that comes together where I fight. I can do the right thing but this is not what I want. I do this despite what my heart tells me because my mind is forcing me. I know what you should feel and when but this is the most popular thing for me to feel the right thing. I always feel weird about what I should do.
Most people do not pay attention to it and enjoy listening to it. I can't do that. I continue to threaten my heart to do what I know I should not do. I feel more than most people do and so I can’t stop myself from knowing how I feel. That’s the bad part about what people say my power is, feel emotions and measure them better than others. Not only can I measure the feelings of others, but mine as well. And you have no idea how bad it feels to be like someone when I have to kick my emotions and do the right thing, mostly because I know doing the right thing is important, to everyone and especially to me.
So, I kept moving, churning and I looked fine on top I guess but inside, I was filled with emotions that most people don’t know.
It’s been a long time, and I don’t think it makes sense but I have to say it out loud so people know that the people you think are better than most people, not psychics or something but people, who can only feel more and it seems easy but difficult for them because they clearly know what the heart wants and still need to act against it.
