If ever
You and I will fulfill all our dreams together
If ever
You will hear everything without me saying anything
Then our path will become one
You will have a warm touch in the palm of my hand that day
Why do you think the world today is incomplete without you?
Why today the thrill of first love is unsaturated without you?
That's a spring to spend next to you
And the handcuffs of magic involved in the breath of love-
I still cry every night
If ever
Only you and me at the beginning of the end
I will lose again in your faith
You will return again that day
As before, from behind, roll your eyes and say-
Tell me who am I?
Once again I will be swept away by the flood of your sweet smile
The day these memories will be erased,
The heart may be satisfied
I know that day will float in the eyes
The last scene of life.
Abir closed the diary by writing so far. A lot has been written, but for whom he is becoming someone else today, someone else will write something about him from today. It's not like that, it's just an inaudible scream from Abir's broken heart. He may be rewritten in a newly decorated house poem, or a few love moments wrapped in the same sheet where he will find his paradise in the blue of someone else's eyes.
It was about 2 o'clock at night. Abir is still not sleeping. The real reason is that despite hundreds of insistences, my mother could not swallow the medicine at 8 o'clock tonight. And the mental reason - Anil's wedding today.
Abir sat up in bed ignoring the unbearable pain inside his head. He went in front of the PC table and opened the laptop. Nowadays, he often does small research on ‘Bypolar Disorder’. This is not the benefit. Everywhere there are some similar words pointing fingers at him- “You have to live with this disease for the rest of your life. Its existence can be covered up with drugs for a long time, but whoever leaves the medicine is the one. ”
The first time I read Abir's word 'Ajiban' I was scared. Will Anila be able to accept this reality by fighting with the whole world with one hand? Waiting for a boy who has lost 4 years of education for this disease to be established? This girl who has lost her father has been suffering in her mother's life all her life, would she want to carry the burden of a sick son on her shoulders and increase the burden of that suffering?
These nightmares vanished in an instant when Anila, sitting in Dhanmondi's Ridbiz shop, put her head on Abir's shoulder in the middle of half-light and half-shadow one evening and said in a simple voice-
"I know you and I love you." To me, you are not a life that falls like a dry leaf. To me, you are a brilliant boy who got a chance to become the 56th in Finance of Dhaka University. I was fascinated by the song written by that boy. Print it in the Daily Star, each of which I would cut out and read the same thing over and over again, except for the books I read at night. "
Yes, Anila considered herself lucky. At that time, perhaps he had more control over the realm of emotions than the reality. So he could not understand the cruelty of life and the world. Or maybe new cruelty is born in the hands of people like Anil.
Abnormal stress is thought to be a major cause of the disease. Abir was the eldest son of the family, the first child of the parents. A man who grew up in the midst of his father's terrible rule from a young age. As much as he was a partaker of his mother's affection, he was once crushed behind his mother's unreasonable chain of fear of his father. He was a good student so everyone had high expectations for him. The expectation is that even his family members did not understand when he was made a prisoner. Abir used to be angry with his father for a long time. Over time, that is how the disease gets bigger.
When Abir repeatedly failed to pursue re-admission to the university, he fell in love with a girl with an inferior character like Millie, when he was poisoned by the eyes of the whole circle of friends, when no one in the family had any hope for him. To give a new color touch.
- Are you taking medicine at 8 o'clock at night?
- No.
-Why not?
- I didn't want to, so I didn't eat. What about you?
- I have nothing. I just have to stay up all night with my grandparents. I have no problem waking up, but Babuta has to listen to music. I know Babuta will listen to music, but listening to Babu's Kaua Marka will wake up my mother-in-law - my problem is here.
And Anil had to surrender to Abir in the face of these irrefutable (???) arguments.
Sometimes Abir thought that if it was not for Anila, his place might have been in a psychiatric hospital bed today. Moreover, no one in the house is willing to endure the sound of vandalism every day. Even during the younger sister's exams, the mother had to stay awake at night. I don't know when the boy gets up and sits down. Who wants to keep such a boy at home?
And now, after reading the word 'Ajiban', a sarcastic smile appeared on Abir's lips. Anila has lost today. Not today, he lost 3 more months ago when Abir went in front of Anila's house on Fuller Road and stood for 2 hours in the scorching sun and Anila came down to the house and said-
Get out of here. I can't take this relationship any further. I can't hurt my mother so much. "
Abir did not say anything that day. Anila looked at the way out and thought to herself-
"I didn't tell you to come to my heart and make a home, I didn't want to make you mine." Blinded by my fascination, did you think of this end the day you caught me? ”
Abir closed the laptop and stood in front of his younger sister's room. This is the only person in the house who really understands him. He is only 18 years old, but he shakes his head while talking in such a way that everyone knows Shamsher. He is the first reader of all the songs, poems and writings of Abir.
Going to the side of his sister's bed, he noticed that he was asleep with tears in his eyes. In that picture, there is a small Abir next to his parents.
Abir cries in his throat. That's when you start to feel like a stranger to yourself. He came out of the house and stood on the verandah. In front of my eyes was the scattering of the stars of the last night and another urge to change myself in my mind.
Wow.