Captive by Fantasy.

Back when I was a kid, I used to watch fairytale stories with happy endings. Back then I wondered if I would get the same. The old cliché story where I was the damsel in distress and my prince charming is coming to save me. With his snow white horse, captivating looks and a wonderful personality that swoop every woman's heart. Will he fight every monster and bad thing in this world for me? I still remember how I felt dreaming the day I'll meet him. Thinking if  I’ll be in My lovely dress or clothes with dirt? Either way He will fall in love with me the same way the prince charming fell in love with his princess in those stories. I will meet him just like how Cinderella meets his prince.  How our eyes met and then we will both have butterflies in our stomach. How I’ll be shy while looking at him. How he stares at me like I was the most beautiful woman in the world.  He will court me the same way as our great grandfather courted our great grandmother. He will show me the things that I have never seen before. He will hold my hand tightly so that I won't slip away. How he will hug me with utmost sincerity.  And we will have our first kiss in the most magical way, where the stars and moon were the witnesses. Time would stop and the only thing that matters is that moment. We will both hope that that moment will last forever.  Thinking about those things makes me feel excited for that day. The day that he will find me. Will he find me? I know he will… right?

As I grew a little older, still watching Movies and reading stories, I realized that there is always hardship before you get your happy ending. I always think that maybe someone will get in between my "so called prince charming" and me. We will fight many times and make up too. I wonder if  he would betray me? If he will hurt me? Will I cry? Will he choose other girls over me? Will he love me for who I am? Will he tolerate my attitude? Will he know my pain even though I never told him? Will he listen to my stories even though no one else does? Will he stay and prove to everyone that there is forever? Will he be there when I need him most? Will he wipe my tears and fight my fears?   Will I forgive him if he hurt me? Will I want him back after the hurt and pain? Will he never leave? Will I be worth it for him? Will he love me forever? Will he never change? Will our love last? Will our love be worth it? And after the pain and hurt  Will I get my happy ending then? I know I will... right?

So many questions were inside my head even before that happened or will it ever happen? I know that we’re all given different stories. Stories that are unique from each other. And I will have mine someday. Or so I hope.

Back then  I thought when I entered high school I would meet him.1st year and 2nd year pass and I didn’t. But it's alright because I’m still young. 3rd year and 4th year pass still I didn’t. I said to myself that maybe I’ll meet him in my college days. I’ll just focus on my studies. College days come, my friends have their own happy stories while I’m still waiting for my “prince charming”. That time I told myself that I shouldn't think about waiting for him, as they say that the more you wait the longer it will come. So I stopped waiting. I just think that he will come by surprise. So I focus on my studies. Our graduation came, my friends were still in an ongoing relationship, some had their heart broken while me nothing. I kind a envy them. I like to experience being in love. I want to know how it feels. How it hurts me and makes me happy at the same time. I want to experience being high on love. But that didn’t happen back then. I feel disheartened that maybe there’s no story for me. But I didn't dwell on that. I choose to think positively that  maybe fate wants me to be more mature before he gives the love that I long for .

And now I am 22, everything around me has changed. My environment, friends and family but I’m still stuck to that same old me who’s waiting for her “prince charming”. My friends and family already have their own family. Some have a strong relationship with their 5 years boyfriend/girlfriend. Me? Still waiting for that special day. But who am I waiting for? Maybe it was wrong for me to dream of that perfect relationship. Maybe I was to focus on the idea of “happy ever after” that I turn down every man who showed their affection. I Forgot that in reality there is no such thing as prince charming. I was lost in my own world without knowing that the real world is passing by without me. Maybe I’ve been waiting for someone not knowing I already lost him. I was lost in fantasies. No wait, am I really lost or am I held captive? Captive by my own desire and illusion. I didn’t expect that my childhood dream would disappoint me. How those fairytales are all lies. And those movies were just the same fantasy for someone. I should have noticed those signs that I’m not living in fantasy. The sign that I am not a princess nor a damsel in distress. I don’t need saving. What I need is someone who will be there for me, even without a snow white horse but someone who will love me for who I am. I wish I realized this sooner so It won’t be this hard to get out now. I should live in reality and accept that there’s no such thing as a fairytale. 

Hi there, I am cham. I am new here in read.cash and I’m not good at writing articles. Please bear with my wrong grammar and spelling. Have a great day everyone!