It has to be complete, right?+_+
It’s June, on a Monday afternoon. She’s sitting in front of the screen. Beside her laptop are stacks of books she intends to read, but when? Another stacks are papers she needs to sort out, to trash. Food and drinks she needs to consume, though she just ate her meal an hour before. And her phone playing music on loop. It’s cold so she wrapped herself with another warm jacket. Lucky she has a quiet neighborhood.
Staring at the empty page of the writing template she has opened. She wonders what to compose in it. She thinks her days these days are on repeat. So what is it to write about. She wonders.
Got her crypto auto-faucet running in the background, and she’s about to do her manual faucet claiming but she felt the urge to watch. Oh, but after this writing is complete, she may say. Haha.
A memory popped up insider her head. And there she goes, her fingers dancing on the keyboard. Swaying. Tap dancing. Sliding one of her fingers on the backspace button every time. She haven’t mastered typing fast and accurate. Hahaha.
Okay so here goes…
Even before the country was hit with this pandemic, watching dramas or anime is already one of my list of daily activities, if not reading manga or manhwa. It’s one of my breathing spell whenever I get tired of the world. Well, who doesn’t. Hahaha. So during weekends or at the evening after house chores, I watch them.
Lately, since we’re stuck at home, I am back into cryptocurrency again, and now writing. But even these needs a break sometimes, so I watch dramas and anime from time to time. My genres are thriller, mystery, fiction, sci-fi, and lastly, romance. The recent Korean dramas I watched were heavy, psychological dramas. I needed change of concept, so recently or just the other day, I watched one romantic comedy, light drama.
If there is drama on screen, there also is one behind. And the reel of life is totally out of my hands. My script is written every waking hour of the day so I can never fathom what ending would it be. Or what my daily choices would take me.
After one of my life events started some rock hard downward spiral turn, I started rising again. Everything was getting better, or maybe just a stagnant flow of things. I have to make it stay that way. I was busy balancing the waters. And just one ripple could muddle it up again this time.
“Baby you I still love you
Baby you I'm still with you”
Titled “It’s You”, this is an original sound track of a Korean drama I recently watched. I liked the song, because it is in English form and the voice of the singer and the music really is my taste. Oh, by the way, I download the sound tracks I like of the dramas I watched and put it in my playlist, even if the song is sang in a foreign language because the melody just gets me love stricken. Hehee.
“Baby you I still love you”, I sang. Then my daughter suddenly said after, “Papa?”
I looked at her, kept my shock inside. She’s laughing innocently. Kitten, my child, I wondered what she was thinking at that moment. She misses the person, I guess, even if she totally doesn’t like him. And I just brushed away the topic saying that I was just singing, and that was my intention only, to sing.
I felt choked up. All the resolve I am making starts to crumble down whenever this subject is in the picture. My child’s random talks. May it be her person or mine. It all boils down to one thing.
Just the two of us. My child and me.
I have to rewrite again and again what I intended to do with our lives. And I am torn with the difficulty of our situation. Stacking everything up just to see it fall down again.
And there are lots of questions I needed an answer to. What if I make one decision and in turn hurt my child. What if I make another and it hurts me. In the end, I chose not to choose. For now. For the reason that I am more scared and worried about the unknown. But again, who doesn’t, right? However, there will come a point in our lives that choosing one over the other is the only way to survive.
She agreed.
Whew, that was deep, she thought.
After penning her thoughts, she let her hands at ease. She looked out the window, the fogs and clouds are cloaking the valley outside. The rain also began pouring. The sound of the rain accompanied by the wind is heard even with the music she's playing. It’s lulling her into sleepiness. It’s a cuddle weather today after all.
She just hopes it won’t storm.
For the stormy weather inside her is raging.
Raging calm. Awaiting for the right time to go wild.
A paradox. That she is.
Hopeful she won’t be selfish. Selfless enough for the two of them.
Why not three of them? She wonders.
Hello there! Thank you for reading again until this stop!+_+
nice.... getting better and better.. a good read..