When I was on my sixth grade, I joined a Science quiz bee representing my school together with a fifth grade.
Our coaches/science teachers thought that there will be two participants in each school, however changes were made when we arrived at the venue. Ends up having one participant in each school only, and basically neither one of the coaches wants to give up the role.
So we did a toss coin and I won the toss coin thingy. It's my first time representing my school for such category, so basically I was nervous to the extent.
During the easy and average round, I did handle it very well and I was confident with my answers. However, when difficult round came, I didn't happen to read such information about the questions being asked.
When the contest ended, it was still good. I got the fourth place and my coach genuinely congratulated me. She said that it was really okay.
The other coach was so disappointed, she even said that only if her student represented the school, that particular student would bring home the beacon.
I was hurt so bad during that time and it caused trauma to myself. Not being boastful, but I really excel at school. So when teachers are having a picked on whom to choose as a participant with certain areas, I am always one of the choices. However, I always end up saying no, or much worse, doesn't even try too hard cause my mindset was set with the trauma I've encountered.
Now, I am on my last year in high school, and I wanna set aside my trauma. I want to also try again. I want to feel that excitement with the nervousness you'll feel when you are in a contest. I don't want that excitement to fade just because of how I fear joining a contest.
My adviser picked me as a participant in our classroom for an English cup. The category is reading, and I am hoping that it will be good to me. Together with perseverance and faith to God.
Maybe, it is really a small step. However, I am a hundred percent sure that it will help me conquer this trauma. Trauma of having self doubt with myself. Trauma of how would people react if I can't meet their expectation. So many doubts, but I have to do this. And I must do this.
A little step that will make all the difference.