Sadness behind happiness

I am a happy goer person, i easily laugh to some simple jokes that i heard and i even crack some jokes.

I can easily adapt my environment like a chameleon, but i choose my environment. Environment that will never put me in danger and a safe surroundings. So does with friends,as a friendly person i love having friends, But i am responsible to observe and know their personality,i choose who to be with since we know that there is always lurking danger in every corner of our life. If i won't be wise enough it will put me in danger and may hurt me at the end.

Being a happy person that everybody knows,people that surrounds me think that i am a person who has only a happy vibe,no worries,no pain,and no hatred. Even my family think that i am a strong type of person as my personality,and physical features exhibits. Many think that i am strict and fregit. That even a simple mistake approach to me i'll be violent,hahahaha..... but i am not, I am just careful with everything. Maybe,to those person whose not close to me thinks that i am not approachable or what, but to those who know me well.,they already know that i am easily to reach'out,that when someone ask for help i willingly do it and even offer them. I even practice my knowledge in cosmetology just to be a make up artist of my childhood friend on her wedding,i also do her hair do..

And even help her with her souvenirs...

I never count my help,instead i enjoy it😊

My first ever client,my best friend....hahahaha... It's a first time though but still i never declined her request. It's not that perfect but at least.

I always display my positive personality,my strong personality. But deep down in me, is a different world that always push me to end it. It is natural to us to encourage our self to help our inner self by motivating and thinking that it's okay,everything is okay.. but i always have a break down.. i always feel alone and in pain, i am hating myself. I am having some depression that my head is always in trouble, heavy and full. I always see my flaws and will always look down myself for being not the best.

I acted strong and happy to everyone yet i have my own different world that surrounds with darkness and sorrow. Behind my smile is not a happy face,behind my strong personality is a weak person that cries her pain and a sad world were i am caged.

But,it's okay....

I'll be okay.....

I should be okay.... I know i will be okay ,not today but soon..

.

.

.

Thank you for reading 💙....

03/11/2022