My Broken pieces

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Part III....

We commonly think ourselves as a character in a story or in a movie that we love, yet our life is too far from it. Many young minds think that as long as you love someone its all that matters,but in reality you also need someone who would love you and cherish you.

"Its only you who can heal your heart"...

Healing your heart takes time. It takes time to forget everything that hurts you. I was so naive at that time i never understand what it means.

Going back to school and missing all the lessons is kinda stressful but i did my best to learn it all,to give time to study. Mr. D, i forgot about him..he was there looking at me and approached me "Im sorry, i have heard that you were in the hospital...are you okay now?".,he said.

I was smiling looking at him, at least he says sorry and he was concerned about me. I fall again,in my mind i thought maybe that was just a misunderstanding between us and now his sorry about it. We are back again,his sweetness is back again.. but his behaviour between the mean girls are still the same,everytime i am busy in school i always saw him being with the girls, and i always told myself that maybe they are really friends now that he can't do any space to be away from them. One day i met with my friends and Ms. G was there,but i can feel that she's avoiding me and i can see her not so happy face looking at me as if she hated me, not as if but she really did hate me. I get it,is it because of her ex boyfriend that is now my boyfriend? I was guilty,i know it was wrong i dont know what to say to her. Until time comes that she became so mean,she talks to other with loud voice saying "You know i never thought that your friend could be a traitor, she was having a crush on someone that i love and maybe she felt happy that i leave him and the thick face even proud of their relationship. I still have a contact with him,and he told me everything and my traitor friend".I was never that proud to flaunt our relationship it was a secret that im not even with him always because i dont want other people know and im hiding it to my parents. Am i really wrong?why does he still communicate her?does he still love her?

Those guilt that i always think was venomous to me. My self confidence was gone, I overthink that all the people knows that i snatch her boyfriend which is not true. They dont know what really happen but i know many will believe her. It affected my personality and attitude to everything i became more vulnerable that a simple talk of people behind my back makes me cry. I know Ms. G love him and maybe Mr. D still love her? I talk with Mr. D in the school,i ask him if he still love her or what he answered no,but he still communicate her as friend,its a lame excuse but i dont want to tell him that. But i know i was cold to him since that day..im getting colder to him but i am falling hard. It's like controling things not to want it but it becomes your need.

We continue our relationships to each other, until my parents was already sensing something and also maybe they heard it to the others,because they became more vigilant. But i just act normal as if there is nothing, i know i was young during that time but i dont know how to control those feelings. But i promise to myself that i will not break there trust to me , i wont get pregnant at a young age and hurt them, i wont stain their names.

Mr. D is getting more sweeter than before, he provide me a mobile phone for he cant contact me anytime,he says that "I will give this mobile phone to you so i can call and text you everytime, i'm not contacting Ms. G anymore so dont be cold to me anymore okay?"... I was having a fast heartbeat hearing those from him makes me felt especial. Actually even im jealous about it,i feel that i dont have a right to stop him because he was hers.

Years pass by and i can feel his love is growing, i also love him more and more. He is my best friend and my love,he is my secret lover that i was guilt about.. he is part of my life. He is my everything.

Month after i was food poisoned that cause me of lacking my pottasium, that made my body paralyse. I cant move any parts of my body aside from my eyes and my mouth it affected my heart that i am having a hard time to breath so i need oxygen always. The doctor was conducting a lot of test to me because it was a new case for her,then month after we found out that i have a hypokalemia paralysis , where to much stress is not good,less exposing to the sun or less outdoor activities..i have to limit everything. Where even walking to school makes me exhausted that in the night i was rush to the hospital. It was another blow to me,how did my normal life become this messy. It was really hard i dont even know myself,as if im not the one who controls my body...everything is very unfamiliar. I suffer,that i almost can't come to school always. It was how my happy world becomes dark.

Mr. D found out that i have a serious health condition,he always tell me that he misses me because im not that regular to school anymore. I can feel his love towards me,and i love him and trusted him that even though im not in his sight he would still be faithful to me. My health is getting worst,when i felt sad my heart felt sad that my body starts to get weaker and paralyse,my heart is also now a factor of this illness. And my parents are doing there very best to take care of me and to make me happy too. Every month I always got confined for a week or so in the hospital because of my illness. The sad part of it,i am now far behind my lessons,my grades is decreasing and i know im not an acheiver anymore.

Week after my graduation, i was in the hospital. Mr. D visited me with Ms. G, i was hurt so i did not face them. Day of my graduation i was release from the hospital and i attended my graduation, I sitted their with swollen hands due to dextrose. I am one of the graduates yet i was not happy, i can't sing and dance which i always do every graduation...yet i still receive those medals 'songbird of the year' and 'dancer of the batch',it's funny though because i can't do that anymore. Mr. D is one of the graduates too and i was happy for him knowing that his older than the other.

After graduation,he told me that his brother wanted him to go in a highly urbanise city where he could easily look for a job,i was happy for him though we will be far from each other i know we are young to focus on ourselves.

Day before he leave,we had a talk...he told me all his plans for us. He made me promise though that :

.."no matter what happen we will stay together,no one should break us apart,and he will come back for me"...

We were LDR or in a long distance relationship,he always call me and text me. Then one day my cousin told me,"sis,have you heard the news or did you know about some news"..?,i said "what news??"..she said "Don't be hurt okay,because i just heard about it and i dont know if its true,your classmate Ms. J who has a big crush to your boyfriend is pregnant and they said that the father is Mr. D." ..i did'nt believe her,in my mind,why did it happen?thats impossible,hes not here. So i texted him that i heard this news here,is it true? He instantly call me,saying..."dont listen to those news,its not true"... I believed him but i already had this doubts, why would a girl told everyone that its his if that man did not do it to her?so it mens they do it. But I still believed to his words.

Then one day,i saw the mother of Mr. D buying some supplies in the store and she's talking in the phone saying,"she's having a labor now so you need to talk to here,im here buying some stuff of what is needed".... I knew deep down in me that those rumor are true,but i still believe him because i love him. But in that day,i just felt all the pain that i was hiding,i used to be so smart in academics yet so dull in terms of love?... I texted him,"I believed in you because i love you. You know i love you but why did you let me become so fool?...

Everything now is clear to me,his words before he leave,and the promise that he wanted me to do,..now i know. I am in pain,i dont know what to do. He is my first love yet my first heartache.

I suffer from depression.My health,my love,my self... I am in my dark world were i am alone,and my world got broken into pieces ..

My health is getting worst than before i was dying physically and emotionally,i am unbeseemly to live. My broken pieces are now shattered that no one could ever mend.

• My life,..my happy life,..my beautiful life that used to be a great gift to me become my broken pieces....