Mary Gay

Days gone by and I thought that I am okey. Because believe me, being cheated on is not something to be taken lightly especially if you have put on all efforts to keep your relationship. I don't know if what I feel now is valid because its been a month and I still miss that person like crazy. The urge to toss a message keeps on refueling my nerves. And sometimes I wanna give in. I just want to continue hurting as it is the only way to still be connected to her somehow. Her memories are one of the fondest I have and trying to forget her is like continuesly torturing myself. She really made her impact so profound that not even her cheating made me hate her. I still do love her. I guess, I am being pathetic but I care not. I just want to express how much I still miss her. Missing how much she loves singing me random love songs. I miss her voice when she talks. I miss how her face glows up everytime I start to humour her. I miss the snorting sound when she laughs hard when we would talk corny jokes to each other. I miss how her nose tip would turn red everytime she holds her emotion. I miss her beautiful smile, the same smile that greets me everytime we're on video call. I miss how she is so mature with alot of things. I miss her talking about her dreams. I miss her glow up whenever she'd talk about the future she wants to build. Her dreams are pure bliss and I love hearing her talk about it. I love everything about her and never doubted her for a minute but it turns out she was the poison that left my heart and soul shattered. How could you not miss someone you made your world? How could you not miss someone you have loved so much you almost left nothing for your bare soul? Tell me, how can I unmiss her? Please tell me because I think I'm loosing my mind.