Hi guys, it's me again and I'm back with my third article. I hope you like it.
When the pandemic started, I felt so lost, I don't even know what I'm gonna do. I was so confused that I ended up quitting my 9-5 job. It wasn't my intention to quit my job though because I still wanted to earn and save like anyone in their early 20s. But my colleagues became so toxic + I don't want to compromise my health + I got really crazy and I can't even think straight that's why I quit. After that, I went home to my parents who were in the province.
The first month was really chaotic, I felt like I have made the worst decision of my life, I even slap my own face sometimes. I always blame myself. I called myself coward, worthless, and other nasty things. I guess it's because I had been so obsessed on making my own money that its absence leads me to think too much. It took me quite some time to convince myself to stay at home until things get a bit better. It was also what my parents wanted because they said that they were worried knowing that I'll be in the city where it's really crowded.
The following months turned grey, I felt like I was a robot. I have been doing the same things every single day. It brought anxiety and I overthink too much. Most of the time I was just staring blankly with my head full of thoughts.. I thought I was going crazy. There are times when I would mock my parents to let me go back to the city and apply for a job just so I could be free from my own thoughts. Of course, they didn't allow me and I get that. Whenever I mock them to let me go back to work, I knew it was half-hearted, I knew I was only doing it just so I could distract myself from my own thoughts and not because I want to have a job. There is always a voice in my head asking me "Do I really want to work now?" or "Do I really want this job?"
Deep down I know that I don't want to go back to my previous job, deep down I know there is something else that I want to do. I just never had the courage to start because I never thought I could. I was so afraid that I will just fail and I'd look like a total loser. It was a genuine part of me that I tried to suppress for so long.
The thing is, ever since I was a kid I've always been fond or writing, arts, and music. It's my stress reliever. It's like a breathe of fresh air to me. I have never given myself the chance to focus and hone these skill before because no one wants me doing that. Everyone wants me to focus only on my studies. Everyone around me think that these things are just distraction and should not be given ample amount of attention. So I just forget it and just do what everyone expects me to do; study, go to college, graduate, and go find a job. I thought it's fine. I though everything would work out fine after I graduate and find a job. But it's not. I felt like a machine that needs to go to a 9-5 job inside an office working with people who you don't even know.
But now that I don't have to choose between having a job and doing what I love, since I am just sitting in our house every day and I am really bored. I took the courage to start drawing and writing again and it gave me the satisfaction I never had for at least 10 years. Am I good at it? No. But I know there is always a room for improvement. Do I enjoy doing it? Hundred and one percent YES. Does it give me satisfaction? HELL YEA.
I guess the message that the circumstance is trying to convey is that everything happens for a reason. I mean, if all those things that I went through had not happened, will I be able now to do something that I really care about? No, right? I may have lost a job but I found something that I consider as a part of my identity and I can say it's worth risking. You may be in a bad situation now and you probable hate your life but things always end up falling into it's rightful place. We always end up doing the thing that we're supposed to do. No matter which path we take, it will keep on redirecting us to something that's meant for us. So stop stressing and just have faith that everything will be alright because it will be.
Thank you so much for reading guys. Criticisms are welcome.
Always be safe and take care :)