Every night before I go to sleep I always tell myself that "I'll do better tomorrow" and make a to-do list for the following day. I even set an alarm to make sure that I'll be awake early in the morning. Then, I'll go to sleep really excited for tomorrow.

Krrrrrrng....

Oops, that's my alarm clock I unconsciously shut it off and then go back to sleep. I will get off my bed at 9:00 or 10:00 am without even folding my bedding, come downstairs, and look for something to eat for breakfast. After breakfast I will wait until 11:45 am and take a quick bath, then eat lunch after that. I will sit on the sofa all afternoon thinking whether or not should I do the things I planned for today last night. I will keep thinking about it and will lost tracj of the time until it's nearly evening. At 6:00 pm I usually open my phone and scroll down and up on social media even if I have previously seen some of those post. I will stop scrolling when my mother calls me to have dinner and then sleep afterwards. Then repeat this all again the next day.

Most of my days look like this. Plan everything out in the evening and then not do it. I know things I have planned out are the things that I really wanted to do and will help me get out of this boring cycle every day but I just don't have the courage to do it. I know it is because I am impatient, I don't trust the process, and I don't have faith. Even though I set goals again and again, I do not do a single thing to even get closer to it because I don't believe that I'll achieve it. That's why I am inconsistent. I always tell myself that "This isn't working" or "I am not making any progress or improvement"

I know this is not an ideal attitude and I hate myself because of this. I really wanted to be a better person. I don't want to be like this forever. It's hard but I am working on it by learning how to manage my thoughts, feelings, and emotions. I am trying to tell myself that "This will work" instead of "This is not working." I also keep on reminding myself that these bad attitudes are what made me to fail big-time. Some of the goals I have I have right now are the same goals I had 5-6 years ago but I never achieved not get any closer to it because I don't have self-discipline, I am lazy, inconsistent, impatient, and I always want everything to come easy. I know this may sound too harsh but it's the truth and the only way I could think of moving on from the past is to accept it and take responsibility for my actions. Try to accept that the reason of my failure is none other than me.

I know becoming a better person and reaching our goals is a process. It takes time. That's why I try to do things everyday no matter how small just to add up to the progress. It doesn't matter if it's just cleaning my own room, exercising for only 3 minutes, basic drawing, talking or apologizing to my loved ones or whatever it is that is related to my goals. I know I just have to keep trying everyday even if everyday I fail. I know eventually I will get used to doing good stuffs and reach the goals I have set for myself.

Thank you so much for reading. I hope you're all safe :)