July 7, 2022

Hello my passionate co-writers of this awesome site. How are you doing in this very cold Thursday? I hope you are safe and sound. I love the cold weather, but what I don't like is strong rain and thunderstorm. There is a typhoon coming in our country and our roof is not ready for the strong wind. I just hope this typhoon will just melt in the sky and will never land.

Today, I will talk about what I look like. I want to appreciate what I look right now. I shared to you last Monday that I dyed my hair blonde and it was awkward at first. I had a series of colors used that makes my hair populated with chemicals. It looks dry when I am not using conditioner. Good thing I had stock of keratin conditioner at home and I still save my hair for being totally damaged.

Getting back to what I look like, I am not one of the prettiest ladies out there. My face are more common like. Based on what I know and life's history, I never became attractive but once in a blue moon, I became cute during college. I am not the head turner and I never become. That is the reason of lack of confidence. What I want to say is I look below below average.

However, just today, I took a picture of my face. I love the lighting in the office because it makes me look whiter and have clear skin. I am fair skin but my skin has some imperfection especially on my face. Lately, I found a Korean beauty products that fits my skin and it clears out some imperfection, not all really all but most of it. When I saw my picture it makes me feel glad that I had found a beauty products that solves my skin problems on the face.

I took some more pictures and decided it share it to one of my BFF at Instagram. I only show her the picture and I never thought she will appreciate it. She is also a lady. What she said to me really startled me. She said was "oh (my real name) you are that pretty, you are so pretty girl!". I only shared one picture and this is the picture.

I answered her message saying I am not pretty. It was the right lighting at the office that makes me look nice and glowing, but I believe I have good skin now. She asked me to send another picture, so I send another two, and I send these pictures.

She is really amazed because again she find me so pretty. She even ask me why I am not trying to audition for a trainee because I will able to get in, at least with the face I have and I laughed hard here in the office because I am too old for that. Then I get back to working.

I send another to her and that is the picture above. I decide to braid my hair after lunch and took a nap a little. When I woke up, I took that picture above and send it to her. She said "This is what you look like after waking up, is that what you are trying to say? lol, you are pretty sissy, why are you keeping that?". I don't understand what she said about "keeping" because all the time I am showing what I really look like with all my social media accounts that she knows. So I message it to her. She answer that, I look nice on my profile pic, I look like not a scammer , lol, however, she never thought that I would be that pretty.

She added that I look charming. Just yesterday, we are both sad. We had a little sharing about life. I told her that I am single ever since. I think my future husband is already see another woman because I am not travelling, I'm not getting out of the house. My future boyfriend /husband always failed to meet me.

I also shared that I want to be an actress, that I want to go to Korea to be an extra on Korean series, yet I don't have the face. She remembered all that and she said I should go and try to audition for some roles as I have the face and my face has the edge. I don't believed her. I chatted that my camera phone has a 3-degree beautification and she said I still look good even without filter for sure. I blushed.

Because of all of her reactions, I checked on my photos. I need to believe that I look pretty in those pictures. The lack of confidence makes it hard for me to believe. I show this to another friend and she also said the same. I look happy and radiant in those pictures I shared. I look like I am having a complete 8-hours of sleep. I think the color of my hair added to what I look right now. I think I must be real to myself and continue the makeover!

Please allow me. Please allow me to appreciate this beauty for today. I don't have the sexy body as I am fat. I don't have the height as I am small. I don't have the good clothes as I am on comfortable clothes. I only have the face right now. That face that radiates positivity even though I have full of anxiety.

It makes me feel good. It makes me feel that I can be beautiful if I believe I am beautiful. When I believe in myself, it develop a self confidence. That self confidence will able to help me appreciate what I have and change myself for the better.

Hopefully this will not only be in words. I'm praying that I can able to do some changes to myself. I don't know how to develop my self-confidence. I don't have that. I can't carry myself. I only have confidence on the things I am good at, but being pretty, I'm not good at it.

You maybe wonder why it is important to me to be pretty. To be honest, i think that is not really to be pretty alone, but I have lack of appreciation for myself. Earlier when my friend told I'm pretty, I began to appreciate my effort of applying these beauty product to my face. I appreciated myself for trying out what's is best for me and for not stopping to try everything. Since I started it, I could little by little start changing my body, and especially myself mentally. Thanks to my friends who told me I am pretty. I really needed that to uplift myself.

Images are all mine