@Grecy095 17 August 2021 edited more from that month

Because you Don't Love Yourself? I DON'T? I DO!!!

I was missing here yesterday not because I wanted too but because of this sprain. The pain is still there and am using my phone with my right hand, imagine the trauma I'm giving to myself because instead of resting, I'm still typing and sharing something that happened last night. I think if I will not share it today, I will forgot about this so as much as I have a schedule topic today, I'll post this instead. My mother saw how I put bandage on my left hand. My wrist is in terrible pain, I need to protect it with bandage so I can control the movement and of course, I can remember I have sprain. My mother said "ayan, napala mo kaka selpon, na pilay pilay ka na" (see, see what you get from using your cellphone). I answered her like this "tumalon sa lamesa si Unnie, alanganin, sinalo ko kaya na pilay ako". That's the truth, I'm rescued my dog that jump into the big table to save the table and Unnie, and Unnie, being the heavy fatty dog that I have, was too heavy, I can't bear to carry her body that long that I lose balance spraining my hand. Then my mother, seemed not believing shaking her head with this sound tsk tsk tsk. My friends send me message through chat. I don't know why all of a sudden they started chatting me when we are all busy. I entertained them a little and have to say goodbye due to my sprain. I remember I posted this situation I have on my short post and even at Noise before I said goodbye to them. I opened the chat again when I started working at night on my second work. I read lots of messages, and these words stamped on my brain. Kasi Di mo mahal ang sarili mo Grecy kaya lagi ka may sakit English translation "Because you don't love yourself Grecy that is why you are always sick. My brain did not absorb it first but it did after a few minutes and I said to myself, here we go again. Why do they love to say those remarks about me when I cannot join them? I have a valid reason for being not there in the chat. In the first place, they know that I am not into chatting because I reserve my energy and only available during Saturdays. They don't understand it at all. It has lots of message after that remarks. I was the topic. They put all the reasons why they said that I don't love myself. I reflect on their reasons why by one.

I don't love myself I put my sad face because it looks good on the topic. They said that I don't love myself. I was laughing that they can easily look on people's flaws. Here it goes. 1. I don't eat on time or I don't eat Who amongst you do no eat? I have fats all over my body and yet to some people, I'm not eating. I can say yes to not eating on time. Maybe at home, I don't eat on time because I love to sleep more, but not eating, that's impossible. 2. I don't sleep Really, that is what I love to do. I can bear not eating, but sleeping, that's not true. If only I have the time, but I don't. I have three jobs. I am depriving myself for not getting 7 hours of sleep for adults but still I try to sleep as much as I can. 3. I don't exercise If I can squeeze exercising while sleeping or can do that both at the same time, for sure I will do it. I exercise. I exercise in the form of cleaning the house, washing the dishes, laundry, ironing clothes, going to market and I dance. Do I need to post that I am in a gym attire and exercising just to prove myself? 4. I'm always online I do not take a rest, spraining my eyes and all that Yes, I'm always online, but I make sure it is with purpose. Purpose to earn money, to unwind, to search, to help, to donate, to teach, to learn. I have lots to do online. I do not exhaust myself because of no reason. I budget my tinny winny time online and its not bad being online, what's the connection? Or maybe I'm exhausting myself. Okay, got it. 5. I only spend my money for my family,and pets, nothing left for me I guess on this part they don't really read my response to chat from our past past chats when I am sharing something about me. I have money. I segregate it for bills, investments and insurance, for necessities at home, medicine, contingency fund, for family day, for my shoes, bags and clothes, my own savings and my transportation. If you read it again you can find something that I have money for myself in the form of bags, shoes and clothes, and family day. They know that but still they managed to tell me that I have nothing for myself. 6. I don't mingle, chat or date anyone I don't think it has something to do with loving myself. Do I need someone to love me before it means I'm loving myself? I don't think so. I have been single all my life and someone should respect that. It depends on the decision of a person if they are free to mingle and be in a relationship than being single and free and be happy. You do not just say to someone "hey if you want to be happy, date someone". We have different levels of happiness and being with someone, dating or not, is too personal. Did they forgot I am introvert?I enjoy the company of myself. I do not just talk to strangers, but I'm a nice person. I always say good things. Maybe I am not like them when it comes to be a people's person but I am happy for what I am. It doesn't define the love I have for myself. 7. I don't travel or don't get farther than our house Yes, that's true. I don't do travel farther than our house because it's pandemic. I do not even go to nearby malls. I do not stroll, I do not window shop. I don't get out of the house unless there is no representative to buy the things we needed. When I am out, I need to allot time and that time is fixed. It should be not more that the time I already set of going out. Even before the pandemic I apply that to myself. Time is Gold for me. Also, I don't travel because I don't have budget. Yes they can treat me but I don't have the thick face to do that. Not traveling and not going farther than our house doesn't determine my love for myself. This is not valid. 8. I'm always irritated I don't know the basis of this because everyone of us is irritated at once but to say I'm "always" irritated is little personal, thinking, am I only the one that gets irritated when I have to read all their FB post, complaining?. I get irritated yes of course. Everyday, at once, or a minute, it doest last for long, I can be irritated, yet does the word "everyday" connect to the word "always"?. Maybe or maybe not, but being irritated does mean I don't love myself. They get irritated too, so they don't love themselves too? 9. I look bad, I do not put in make up, I don't buy new clothes or they don't see me pretty, I look old Those are the comments for me. Are they really my friends? Lol, they just missed me. I understand. Okay first, I look bad. Yes, I look bad. I agree. Second, I don't put on make up. Yes, sometimes. Maybe tomorrow I will put make up and do a selfie to look like I love myself, lol. But, but, but, I don't put on makeup because, I only have powder and lip tint. I put lip tint but the face mask hide it. But I apply it sometimes. Sometimes I have little make up but I guess I am not really presentable. Third, I don't put in nice clothes or not buying new clothes. Yes, because I'm saving my money. My clothes are fine. They fit me, I am comfortable. In the future, I can do that for myself. I know I can. Fourth, they don't see me pretty, I look old. I am not pretty in the first place, but I have personality. I hope my personality push me up to stand out, lol. I look old, maybe because I am old. I am getting old. Everyone gets old, I cannot stop that from happening. I don't love myself because I look old? 10. I don't look happy, I do not post my recognition or achievements, maybe I don't have it Offensive! No, I don't want to stoop on their level when it comes to this. I guess they don't really understand and do not respect differences. First, I am not active on social media. I am not even active on messenger. I am active on Read.cash, I hope they join me here instead of always noticing what they think is wrong from me. There are times I'm active. If I have achievements or recognitions, I share it in my FB, my My Day, to be exact. Sometimes I'm lazy to do that, only the people I am with knows it. When I have time, I share it to them, but it has been two years I don't share anything because the pandemic hits and I don't have the time. Second, maybe I don't have recognition? A simple remarks or appreciation like, opening a door for someone, picking up when someone drop something in the floor, helping with chores, or task at work, helping a grandma to cross the road, for me that is a recognition already. I maybe shallow, but that's me, I appreciate little things. If you say thank you, I have these tears waiting to land on my cheeks. Do I need to post everything to make them believe I love myself??? Dont be stress out. I know you start to get irritated by my friends remarks about me, but all of those remarks are done just like a joke. They just missed me that they have to talk about me that way but as they said, they do not intentionally do it. They are just friends who are concern about me not loving myself. I just took notes of those remarks, reflect and defend myself. I will share my post to them after this.

I Do Love Myself I only live once and I am very unique. I have purpose and one is to give. I understand they have to be like that but they are looking at me in a different way. I need to defend myself. I need to share why I Do Love Myself and I take care of myself.

1. I eat on time, at work. Yes maybe not on time at home but I still eat in time. 2. I drink vitamins, food supplements and healthy foods to get energy and nutrients 3. I only watch RomCom or non stressful movies I love suspense, thriller and some toxic RomCom plot of story ahem "Nevertheless" ahem, but I choose to watch it during Sartuday. I choose my viewing of any kind of series, movies and videos becauss it can affect my sleeping mood. I don't watch stressful movies because it really traumatised me easily, because I have anxiety. 4. I enjoy learning I can find new learnings every day. Here in read. Cash, I learn new words, new habit, new friends, anything new. I have time for learnings. I find time. I apply what I learn. I love myself for new learning to apply, to help myself. 5. I treat myself I do not post it online but I treat myself. I treat myself for food, new clothes, gel pens, ice cream, everything. I have a budget for myself. I do this when I get bored and when it is payday time. This is my reward for the hard work.

6. I make myself happy These are what makes me happy: Having enough sleep. 3 hours is enough for me. Providing for my family Writing blogs Reading Ebooks Family bonding during the weekends Pampering myself, eating food, good bath, watching Korean series Being there for someone to help Saving animals Solving problems to lessen the burden of someone. Being part of the solution There are lots.. Actually!!

Ending notes. We all have our ways to love ourselves so for me, judging person on how they looks doesnt reflect the inside as a whole. What if you are just judgemental and always finds fault on someone, doesn it define their way of loving themselves too? Understanding our own differences is vital for relationships. Decisions should be respected. Still, whatever life throws at you, loving yourself is the first step of moving on. It is your armour so you can be strong and brave. Any kind of ways is valid until you do not steps on someone's foot, because it hurts. Have a great night!! Thanks for my sponsors and to the people reading this.