Am I Still Okay?
November 15, 2023Anyeong! I hope everyone is safe and happy. I just want you to be happy and that is something that is not happening on me as of the moment. It has been 2 months that my mother passed away and I haven't had a good laugh. I guess it will never happen again and life is not the same anymore.
Let's get straight to my story. I thought I was living normally or I get used to living without my mother but I finally realized I am always depress. I go to work and do my household chores, thinking I had accomplished something, yet the truth is, I am not going anywhere. I am just living inside a cycle. Nothings change, no improvement and no change at all.
I took the responsibility of getting the work that my mother is doing in the household. I cook, I go to market, I buy food, I take care of pets, I wash the dishes, do the laundry, iron clothes and at the end of the day I had done everything for my family, but nothing for myself. I go to work, go straight at home and do household chores and work on my night shift. On the next day, I do this all over again. I keep myself busy and my soul is depress. I am living but it is not healthy. I am living, while I am dying. I cried almost every night and I am always end up tired.
I lost my parents. I have my siblings with me, but all of us are lost. I think we can live, we can take care of each other and live normally, but we don't have the kind of happiness. We already lose the hope that we will make our dreams come true. I am working hard to make my mother happy. Now that she is gone, I am working for a salary. My dream, I don't know any dream at all. I am useless and nonsense. I don't want to plan and no Christmas spirit at all. For sure, we will not celebrate as well.
It is hard to lose a loved one. It is hard to not see them anymore. It is hard that you cannot talk to them, and I really wish, seriously, that there is a visiting hours in heaven to see them once again. I miss my parents. Some says, I gain angels, but I lost the faith on believing on any of this. I am on grief and living without faith now.
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All Original Content by @Grecy095