A Whole Lot of Nope on a Rope (Clown Control to Mao Zedong)

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1 year ago

Because I see a proliferation of rubbish posted online, I have decided to accumulate and curate a collection of egregious examples of how people abuse the English language on (micro-)blogging sites (both for-pay and otherwise) and elsewhere. I hope that those of you with masochistic tendencies/streaks enjoy this sadistic effort on my part. Here are the entries I've encountered in my feed only this week:

"If you sport me I well by very hapy. [...] It look more delicious when serves with crush Almonds and Pistachios that makes the tea little bit nutty but enhance its taste. You can add cardamom as well. It requires 30 minute to prepare. Try this Chai recipe in you home."

"There is no feeling better than when u kno u r about to eat a delightful delicacy. When u finally want to eat it, u start to salivate and when it goes into ur mouth it’s lyk u r in heaven."

"Helo friends Thanks for sport me this your love for me ... love you much and Pleas keep sporting me for more GOOD posts."

"hello friends noise,, how are you guys,, is this sunday fun for you guys, uh friend noise! does anyone know what a conch is, Snails can also be cooked to make dishes. I took small snails to cook. this time I cooked conch for Rica Rica, made a really spicy dish, and it tasted very good, my friend, I also offered it to my friends, they also said that it tasted good."

"At 2:53 my best friends I eat eat sweat.sweat looking very delicious.Happiness looking my face."

You "eat" sweat?! Eww, gross! YKINMK&NOK!

"Our System Take 24 Hours to verify Your Game Play. Only Lucky 10 will Get."

"This give you mor interest about sweet. This is teasted awesome."

"This historical destination located near the cost of Michigan’s lake ..."

"Pleas define me how i do shart link task complete."

Wait, what? You want to be defined as someone who sharts link tasks completely?! How strange!

"I decided to take this beautiful dish in my lunch , This type of biryani with chicken leg piece is very tasty specially when we feel hungary.

Bismillah! Instead of buying, it's better to make my mother's favorite brother.

Ever have cold sweats from doing accidentally a mistake before? Troublesome, right?

Dude, it's impossible to make mistakes on purpose!

I completed my home works. I am fishing my wishing clothes.

Sometimes we forget to parise our mim's food.

Its a yummy bread that shapes piglets, its really fun that the bakery makes this shape; its like a message that when you eat too much bread you will get fat! But bread is always a yummy snack its good to drink coffee whole eating bread.

Ah, a little light fat-shaming on a Sunday; just what I like to see.

I was so bored then an tongits ads pop up while I was screlling and decided to download it. When I'm done setting up my account, something pop up on my screen. A free tickets that can multiple my coins in tongits.

Tongits aren't a cryptocurrency with which I'm familiar. However, since there are at least a thousand of them and they pop up seemingly overnight, it's hard for me to keep up with all of them.

Such a bliss to see this scenerio while having breakfast! It's when a city and a village get untied!

Look at what a nice piece of meat I’m eating today! It's really space meat!

"On the front, I share a memory of last night. There I, with my friends, made a chill."

I've heard of breaking/making wind, but not a cold one. I can only suppose strange things happen during war time.

Right now he errands me to prepare these food so we can ear.

I have ate three breeds with chicken that was our pet roaster .

Honestly, who teaches these motherf@@kers English? They need to be shot in front of their friends and family.

Lead image: Photo by Kulbir from/on Pexels

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1 year ago