Unseen battles

Life is beautiful. It's almost perfect with the sun brightly shines, flowers blooms widely, birds that sings cheerfully, skies painted with clear blue color just how the oceans shares its freshness and peace. It is as fine as it is that sometimes we forget that there are unseen battles behind the beautiful life and its almost perfection. We forget that in every smile we see on the street there are unseen battle in it. That in every cheerfulness that we can wear there are unseen battle we face. Everytime we lie down on the dark room at night we all have our unseen battle. Everytime we swim on the vast ocean of our thought we have our unseen battle. Those unseen battle are the insecurities that we have, the rejections, the failures, the forgotten dreams, the regrets, the ever flowing sadness and what if's, the ill-pride, the broken hearts, the firing hatred, the painful truths, and the continues lies, the unknown future, the weak body and the hungry soul, the tempted minds,the empty stomach, the wicked ways just to survive, and the rugged emotions and a lot more.

I myself was not spare of those unseen battle of this beautiful life. There were lots of unseen battles that I faced before I reached this here and now. But there's this battle that I will never forget, this battle leaves scars in my inner part,my inner self, my soul. This battle happen long time ago, when I was just 10 years old. I have 3 siblings 2 sisters and 1 brother. My brother was I think in his teenage. As a member of poor family we don't have separate room to sleep with thus we sleep in one space together. And I sleep every night beside my brother. Everyone is asleep aside my poor self crying. Not because mosquitos bite nor I am hungry. I'm crying because someone, supposed to be protecting me, molested me. Touching my private parts that not supposed to be touch by anyone at my young age. Everynight of my life for almost 3 years. Without mother even knowing, not even sisters nor best friends. Though it was not the most scariest part because he wasn't able to broke my hymen but because he broke my soul. He broke my heart thousand of pieces. He broke my trust. He broke me. I was so angry, my heart was filled with hatred. But I never ever forget that he is my brother, that he is a family. He is part of me. I hide everything in me. I bare the scars, i bare the brokenness. I don't want him to suffer the consequences of his actions because he is still young. He don't know what he had done. Maybe he is just in his teenage stage. My what if's consumed me. What if mom will not believe me or my sisters. My decision is final i will keep it as a secret. I scared, lost. I will just perceive it as nightmare. A nightmare that always hunt me, became my scars and my unseen battle until now. It brings me so much questions and insecurities, trust issues and even thinking of ending my own life.

As I continue to live life, those unseen battle made me strong. They serves as the oven that mold me, shape me of who I am today. And the secret weapon that made me won every unseen battle that I have. i know that this battle I am not alone because we have unseen but very powerful and mighty God. And so are you. He is with us as we fought against all those unseen battles in life. For I believe that this life is His in the first place, and He already won the battle for me. Thus don't be scared whenever I face them. I have my bigger God, bigger than this life I had right now. Uncertainties may come but God already put path that I may take, the choice is all in me. Even those dark battles I fought for many years up until now, I always choose to win with God by my side. Thanks to the faith that he put in my heart, thanks to the people that truly care, and the hopeful hearts that never stop believing that there is still hope. Thanks to the fear that he engraved in my heart, the fear of letting myself drown into sadness and give up life. The fear of ending my own life.

For this life is just temporary and this life is only a test if I am truly worthy of His kingdom and His sacrificial death on the cross. That's why we must not have short understanding in this life. Let us not dwell on the unseen battles that we all have. Let us not give it a chance to consume us, to over power God and its purpose for giving us this beautiful life. Challenges is what make life meaningful and beautiful, thus we embrace it with full hearts and firm faith in God for without Him we are nothing.