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In this Lifetime: Are You Happy?

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Written by Β Β 239
2 months ago

Everyday and every little time that I could get for myself this is the usual thing that I ask but up to now I still got no answer: Am I happy?

Why?

Well I am tired.

Being a mom.

I am tired running around fixing things in the house plus never ending chores. I am tired with my babies tantrums and cries.

A partner but never a wife. I am tired explaining to people why are we not married yet. I am tired getting scared for my kids to experience having a broken family. I am tired enduring things that comes with a partner. I am tired.

A provider. I am tired giving my all and not minding myself. I want to just experience having to buy what I like and going to places that I love but maybe I cannot experience these in this lifetime.

A sister. I am tired of being so ambitious for my siblings. I am tired trying to fulfill my promise in my fathers grave that I will do my best to raise them and make them a professional just like what my father dreamed of. I am tired of thinking about other people and I wanted to just start thinking about me.

A niece. I am tired trying to support whoever needs me especially those aunt, uncles who helped me before. I am tired of hearing my relatives tagged me as "walang utang na loob" and not successful. I tired of people speaking ill against me.

A worker. I am not of not being compensated well. I am tired of not getting what I deserved and not earning much for my family despite being in BPO for 8 long years. I yearn for awards, recognitions, rewards but then every time I do I lost the chance or fate is just going against me.

I am tired but I really do not know if that is one sign of unhappiness but don't get me wrong. I love the people who helped me get through this life.

I love being a mom, a niece, a daughter, a sister and a worker but tired at the same time. I love my partner but tired with the situation that we are in. I wanted to be free and sometimes I do not know how.

I pray but then my prayers often get into wasted because in the middle of my prayer I get distracted with a lot of things.

I am so tired of supporting other people's happiness that I forgot, how to be happy? What does it actually feel to be happy?

I am afraid to laugh because sorrows would follow. I am afraid of a lot of things when I should not.

There come to a point that I get this anxiety of doing my best and getting tired at the same time. We are going through different things everyday in our lives but you have felt getting tired like despite feeling such you continue living and breathing but only because you are still alive and not because you want of mere project.


...end thoughts...

Thank you for dropping by. I will appreciate any comment below or any thoughts. Apologies if I am being negative just that I needed to channel my emotion in a way that I do not get harsh words for feeling like this.

I TRIED but I am TIRED.

Lead Image: Unsplash


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Written by Β Β 239
2 months ago
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Comments

Same tag gibati karun..nihilak gyud ko kay wa ko kasabot sa akong gibati. Kitang tanan naay pagsulay diri sa kalibutan ug ampo lang gyud ta nga dili ta pasagdan sa Ginoo.

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2 months ago

Go lang po tayo sa buhay.. Never give up.. Dont be tired just take a deep breathe and continue again you r journey

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2 months ago

Minsan talaga parang nakakapagod at parang kalaban mo yung mundo. Pero masasabi ko na I am happy with my life :)

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2 months ago

Naa jud times madam no nga iabot jud kag kapoy sa tanan. Og normal rasab na kay taw rgud ta. Naa tay limitations. I admire you for holding on that long. God knows your struggles madam. Laban lang ta. πŸ’ͺ

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2 months ago

Never lost hope, glez. Keep fighting and struggling for your kids, families and love ones. Don't mind all those bad things that they say and focused on the things that you prioritized most.. It will just going to distract you to do things perfectly. You can't do all in one time, it will be so hard for you if you will push things.. so just work things one at a time.. step by step and surely you will cover all of those things that you wanted.. Stay strong dear! God bless..

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2 months ago

While growing up, I came across an old man, who after a little work, sits to rest, and while doing so, he will be praising his little efforts, we got used to his lifestyle, since he was a jovial person, I asked him one day, why he does that.. He told me, Little one when life comes with its basket full loads, just do the ones you can and never forget to praise yourself. My dear, challenges are bound to come, but all you need to know is, whenever it raises just do the ones you can at the moment, and rest.

You might not be the best in your career, to your family and loved ones, but to yourself you are the best. Never criticize your efforts, but magnify them. I wish you above all things that you should be happy.. Stay positive dear...

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2 months ago