If I were to talk to God

Have you ever wondered about the things you could ask or say to God if ever you could talk to him face to face?

Because I always do.

Everytime I face struggles and overwhelming situations I get to ask God if what have I done to deserve all these?

I am in the situation that it became so hard to count my blessings because I always encounter problems where my blessings are not even enough.

Bills to pay, debts, medications etc, etc.

So if I get to talk to God face to face these are the things that I would want to ask or talk to him about:

Oppsss, before anything else you might say that questioning God is a sin but really I am taking the risk.

• How is my Papa?

-At 6th grade I lost my Papa. He committed suicide. Many of our neighbors and acquaintances would even dare to say in our face that he will be in hell because of what he did. I have been thinking if he was happy with the decision he made.

• Why do I need to suffer?

-I have not remembered any moment in my life where I get to say that I am happy. Because everytime I try to laugh it out a problem would arise. I cannot even enjoy nor go on outing to unwind because I cannot afford to do so. I got to be a provider but then those that I have been providing are not even thinking how can they help me lighten my burden.

• Can you not leave me when I feel lost?

-There are times when I pray that in the middle of praying I get totally lost and think of other things only to remember after a couple of minutes that I am supposed to pray. That is how disturbed my mind. I got no peace and it is depressing.

• Can you let me fulfill my hearts desire before getting back my borrowed life?

-As a mom, I wanted to see that my kids would do just fine without me. I would want to die peacefully knowing that they could protect one another and could stand on their own.

You see, the world is a tiresome place to live in. Maybe in my point of view because I have not lived life to the fullest. I have not experience enjoying the best of life, going to places and at least having the privilege to really count my blessings. My life has been tough and there could be no reason why I would want to stay alive not until I get to have kids.

I read it somewhere, that when you do not have a reason to live God will give you kids.

Funny and at first it doesn't make sense but when I started to have one I got another reason to strive.

Personally, I do not mind suffering or going through struggles for my family or kids. It is just that, sometimes my struggles are too much to handle. I wanted my heart, mind, body and soul to be at peace and to relax.

Hopefully someday, I would have the chance to appreciate life.

• May I hug you?

-Sometimes, I feel very tired that maybe hugging God would ease every negative things I am feeling.

...end thoughts...

Thank you dear readers for dropping by. I hope all is well to you. God bless!