How am I?; Where was I?

Dear friends and readers here in crypto verse I hope that you guys are doing awesome!

I have been contemplating what to write as I want it worthy of your time but then realize there might never be more interesting than to tell you a story of what life leads me for the past months or weeks that I was away.

Sometimes, as human, we make choices that are wrong or could not help with the current situation that we are in. Choices that instead of making us feel happy, it made us more miserable.

As a mom, an adult, a grown up, I know I did have a choice but I have chosen to just neglect the advise of me getting or taking contraceptives to basically save me from more financial struggle. I could have planned it out if I wanted more baby but even when it occured to me the possibilities of having another unexpected one I never really took it seriously.

I do not regret having any of my children nor blame them of what I am going through but as I continue to struggle financially plus with health complications I realized that I should have been wiser.

It is too late now to take action though because I am now running 7 months pregnant for my third baby but the painful thing is, I got diagnosed of hypothyroidism.

Yes, others may say it isn't that serious nor critical but for someone who is even having a hard time to sustain daily needs and pay bills it became and add up burden. In addition to this, if I won't follow the Doctor's advise I might end up having heart failure while I am undergoing C-SECTION. Since way before I got diagnosed of hypothyroidism, I felt like my fingers would numb then there's anxiety plus chest pain.

From never ending laboratory tests to medicine then here comes the need to take vitamins and healthy foods, indeed HEALTHY LIVING CAN BE VERY EXPENSIVE!

You may ask about my baby's gender, when will I deliver my baby and so on...

So far, no gender to be revealed yet. I am waiting for the Doctor to request an ultrasound and I believe that could be by around last week of July, as they also need to know if when will I be scheduled for C-SECTION which will be based through my ultrasound result.

Misfortunes are also uncontrollable at times and maybe when the universe showered one I was totally awake. Indeed, when it rains it pours because I have been so unfortunate.

Come first week of June I was rushed to ER due to hypertension. My blood pressure suddenly went up could also be due to stress. Since we were occupied someone even stole our wallet where our last money was placed. It was a combined money from my sideline plus my salary then my little savings that I supposed to put in cooperative in hopes that I will gain a little. But nah! All we could do is weep.

As days passed by I was chatting anyone that I know from my highschool colleagues to college to workmates if anyone could lend me money and all I got is a "NO".

No because they also have their own needs to fulfill, no because they cannot trust lending money to someone and no because they also have debts or bills to pay.

These were very understandable but it hurts. Deep down it hurts so much to be declined but then again I have to understand and accept the fact that I am the one in need.

With so much bills to pay, debts to face and upcoming laboratory tests to complete I never really know which direction should I go. I felt like I am in the dark. I can earn money with my salary and I got to pay what I owe.

There are cases when I break promises to pay because there's nothing left from what I earned. To tell you, not everyone who asked help or borrow money, but fail to honor their promise would intentionally fail you just to not pay you. Some are like me, I expected a certain amount then here comes an incident or unexpected expenses that I have to prioritize. It is not a happy thought to lose the trust of your friend and be embarrassed in public or to anyone who would hear about you being unable to pay what you owe to them. My peace of mind has always been at stake. I am having nervous breakdowns with the fear that my friends would post me or would backstab me but if only I have the money and means I would never dare to borrow money from anyone.

But you know what's more painful?

It is when you thought you found someone who could help you only to know you were taken advantage.

There's this friend who offered help with a 20% interest of the money that I will owe. She said it is not from her and that the interest has to be deducted from the principal amount to be released. Sadly, I found out that it is not from anyone but coming from her own pocket. It could have been better if she laid down her cards truthfully and told me she would also need to earn.

Another one, is when I was offered a 20% interest for a week to pay, they call it eLoan.

I felt like I was drowning and I am being dragged more. I couldn't breath nor can see the light to where I am now.

The only thing that keeps me going are my 2 babies and the one kicking in my tummy.

With the hope that someday God will send me a miracle or blessing that is not coming from debts.

End thoughts...

I hope that through my story the young generation would learn. Before you make a family of your own make sure to plan it out because having a child is a lifetime commitment and you need to be ready in any aspect of your life as much as possible.