Are you afraid to Die?

Earlier today around 1AM I had contractions. It felt like severe menstrual cramps that some ladies would faint. It was too painful that until now I can feel the after effect as there is that sting of pain in my tummy and back part.

Why was I very nervous when having contractions?

My tummy is still at 30 weeks basically 7 mos and my expected due would be first week of August so I should not feel this just yet.

The saddest part is I have not prepared my baby's clothes and other needs because I am still waiting for my loan to get approved only to receive a notification earlier that it got declined. Wew so much struggles!

I know that God will find a way for me though to get through my financial struggles and any other issues.

But could be due to the series of unfortunate events that has been happening in my life I thought of a bad omen or negative thought.

Earlier, I felt the FEAR OF DYING.

Way back grade school days there is this subject that we call "Religion". We get to talk about Godly words, values and etc. Our Catechist once told us, that we should always prepare and expect that each day would be our last day.

So how should we prepare?

• Say "iloveyou's" to those that you loved.

• Do one or two good deed to anyone.

• Preach about God.

• Share positive thoughts and live for today.

From then on, I tried to follow this. Not a day would pass that I won't say good night and iloveyou to my Mom until now that I became a Mom, I always say iloveyou's to my partner and babies too.

But as my expected date of delivery and Caesarean operation is going near I am having this negative thoughts.

What if I die in the middle of the operation?

What if something happens?

What if my baby would have defects?

I fear to leave my babies alone because the world is too cruel. I do not think anybody can love them as much I can/do. If only I could wrap them around my arms all the time so they won't get hurt or experience anything that I have been through I would but then I know one day I have to let them go because they would also have to live a life of their own. Even the thought of that pains me.

I got no intention to actually bring negative vibes to you dear friends but it is me sharing my thoughts because this is one of my ways to get through.

I think the scariest part of dying is not knowing when and how?

Because we would always want to do things that won't make us regret.

Thank you for your time dearest! I pray and hope that all is well for you. ❤️

Sharing to you one of my favorite photos of my eldest baby when she was this lil. Gets me excited to see another tiny thing a few weeks from now. Please help me pray for me and my baby to be safe.