We Assume Things Based On Our Fears

The biggest assumption we make in life based on fear is that we assume people will treat us with disrespect because they share the same fear as us. The opposite is more true. We find that people who mean to treat us with disrespect, project their own fears onto us and then act accordingly.

If you've ever been to a small country town, you may have noticed the difference between the people. In a small country town, everyone knows everyone and people are generally friendlier than in the cities. This is because there will be fewer unknowns and as a result, less fear of others.

When people feel a sense of comfort and safety in an environment, they will be more likely to treat each other with kindness and respect. If you want to make your customers feel safe and respected, then give off these vibes and treat them the way you'd like to be treated.

“A simple way to do this is by remembering these two words: "We Are" not "They Are".

You see, fear makes us miserable, and misery makes us angry. Because we fear the worst, we wind up acting in ways that bring about the worst. The logical conclusion of that chain of events is that if you want to be the architect of your own happiness, you’re going to need to figure out how to get rid of your self-destructive assumptions. Just as the nervous leader of a group often leads his followers into disaster, so do we allow our fears to control our actions and inactions. A fearful person thinks of the worst case scenario and then acts on that thought. The only way to change this reaction is to change your thoughts; one thought at a time. Since you can’t change a lifetime of thoughts in an hour or so, it’s best to start by choosing new thoughts about a current situation.

We all make assumptions, but most are harmless. It happens when you meet someone for the first time and you decide whether you’ll like them or not within a few seconds. Assumptions appear to be part of human nature and we do it without even realizing it. It’s hard to see beyond our own fears and insecurities. We can assume things about other people. We can assume that another person’s fears are greater than our own. We can assume we have no common ground with those who are different from us because they don’t fit into our “normal” boxes. But what happens when we give advice knowing nothing about someone’s life?

What if their fears seem smaller than ours because they have learned to live with them? What if they are stronger because they don’t let their insecurities define them? What if there is no clear path for success because the road is still being paved for them? What if we have never walked in their shoes, so how can we tell them when their time is up or when it should be over?

I was once a victim of fear that chose to turn my life into a work of art; something more beautiful and inspiring than what everyone expected.

Also the reason we get stuck in life is because we have assumptions. We have ideas about things. Ideas that are based on our fears and past experiences, but where those ideas come from isn’t always clear. In fact, they usually come from the people and things that we’re closest to, the people that love us the most. People we trust and respect and look up to in order to influence our own way of thinking. The problem is, sometimes these assumptions don’t serve us well. We can be left feeling stuck, lost or even hopeless as a result of them holding us back.

The assumptions we make because of our fears can bring us down. You'll feel safe in a creak at night. You'll think I'm crazy but I was scared of the dark until I was 13. I had to overcome fear of the dark when I got my first job at a candy store. A little story - “At night, the store was pitch black and that's when I saw my first ouija board. I got scared so bad and I ran to my car. Later that week, a girl in my class brought it to school and we played with it in class. That's when I started seeing things that weren't there which is when I realized my imagination is powerful.” You can see that as humans, imagination runs wild because we're curious by nature. But sometimes our curiosity gets the best of us and we lose sight of what's possible.

The way we think about challenges — our fears — can impact how we deal with them. 

When we feel uncertain, it’s easy to start making assumptions. But these assumptions end up making our fears a reality.

When we face fears, there is always good reason for them to surface. Usually, these fears are linked to a negative past experience or a real potential risk. That’s ok! Fear helps us respond to challenges and avoid danger. The problem is that when we don’t feel safe, our minds will try to play out the worst-case scenario; leading to irrational thinking.
Natural instincts are helpful in an emergency but they fail us when fear takes over and prevents us from dealing with challenges. Therefore, letting go of fear is not about refusing to acknowledge it. It is about working through our thoughts and finding a different way to respond that prevents us from being paralyzed by our fear.