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Helping The Wrong Way Is No Help At All

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Written by   159
2 months ago

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A lecturer once shared a story with me about his undergraduate university days. So apparently, there was a guy in his class that was very intelligent back in the day. Let us call this guy “Scott”. Scott was the best student in his class and he was very kind to the other students. He organized tutorials right from their freshman year till their final year. Everybody loved Scott because coupled with the fact that he helped them academically, he was also kind, and humble so he was favorite to the teachers and fellow students alike but he didn’t get to graduate with them.

During their final examinations, Scott wanted to help one of his friends that will most likely have an extra year in a very hard course. So while in the examination hall, he turned back to say some answers to his friend and was caught. The invigilator reprimanded them both and gave them an examination malpractice form. They were both suspended from the school for 2 semesters and both ended up having an extra year.

Scott was trying to help his friend, but ended up not helping him, and also damaging his academic standing as he wasn’t able to graduate as the best student. The right way would have been to put his friend through the lessons and activities, preparing him for the examination, and not compromising himself in the guise of helping his friend.

Helping people no matter what detrimental effects it could have on you is wrong. You are providing help the wrong way if you are;

Providing help at the expense of damaging yourself physically

This might be weird to you but I have actually heard of real life stories where people hurt themselves physically, just to help other people. There is a story of a lady that chose to sell herself sexually just to help her boyfriend pay his school fees. Guess what happened? Her boyfriend left her after he graduated from the university. Said he couldn’t marry someone like her.

Providing help while breaking the rules

This is similar to what Scott did in the story. Although proving help at the expense of committing a crime can be okay morally at times, it is important that we weigh the repercussions of what we are trying to do while helping.

Helping to make people more and more dependent on you

People who are completely dependent on the help of others can live a free and truly happy life. If you are providing help with the aim to make the receiver more dependent on you, then you are providing no  help at all. When you focus on giving people a temporary solution to their problems even with or without knowledge of how to help them permanently, you are actually not helping.

Providing help when the person doesn’t clearly needs your help

Sometimes we feel the urge to help people even when they clearly show they don’t need your help. This is a mistake as it is important to respect the fact that someone doesn’t need our help. There was a time I tried to help get a friend out of being scolded by his parents. He felt he did something that warranted punishment from his parents so I told him I was going to talk to his parents. He refused but I wanted to really help him so I didn’t listen to him. The next day, he told me was greatly punished and it wasn’t because of what he did, but because his parents were not happy at the fact that I had to come help him beg.

When you help with the hope of getting something in return.

Most times, people don’t appreciate help that isn’t done genuinely. Some might even be offended and might find it insulting. It is wrong to provide help while waiting to get something in return. If you are rewarded for helping someone, fine. But if you don't, then you should be satisfied with just providing help.

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Written by   159
2 months ago
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Comments

You wrote excellent, logical and useful... people really have to think logically about each other, that what is good for the other party and what is not good...

$ 0.00
2 months ago

If you have the urge to help someone just go ahead and do so, not for what you will gain from the person. Human beings are so unpredictable, don't be surprised to see those biting the fingers that fed them.

$ 0.00
2 months ago

I feel for Scott, he made the mistake of his life. He should have just taught him and wished him well in his exam. All this bad result is the reason why I don't help at the detriment of hurting myself, a help I would do and regret it later,I don't do it. I hope we all learn from this.

$ 0.00
2 months ago

Owww i really like this. From the title up to the body. I am a helpful person, i get sorry ⌚ other people suffer, you know i do put some effort to help and I don't usually expect that one day, those person i helped, I can ask for a return. Nono! I do help and I just wait if something os and willing to give me a hand.

$ 0.00
2 months ago

That's so sad of Scott. He wanted to help but was reprimanded for it. When we are trying to help and expecting to be helped back, that is not help at all. We shouldn't help for our own benefits or trying to risk our lives for it. In the case of the lady too, that is stupidity. Guys would always want the best for themselves.

$ 0.00
2 months ago

I actually do help people at my own expense and sometimes they don't even appreciate it, they will even come and be vomiting rubbish on top of it

$ 0.02
2 months ago

As long as you help them without expecting anything in return, I think you’ll be fine and be rewarded someday.

$ 0.00
2 months ago

It's better to teach people how to fish than give the fish to help. You're not helping them at all. Especially the help you do at the detriment of your life isn't help. It's foolishness.

$ 0.02
2 months ago

Indeed. We should help people with a long term solution. Not a temporary one.

$ 0.00
2 months ago