Society played a role, your life matters than their opinion.

Today is a great day, it was my birthday about three weeks ago but today 13th of April is @Esthery97 birthday.

I bless God over her life, sending her into my life was and is a blessing that I will always be grateful for because her beauty has illuminated my life more than I ever thought it would do. I am wishing her a happy birthday as she marks a new age today, I pray that the Almighty God grant her all her secret desire and everything she lays her hands on henceforth shall prosper.

Join me in appreciating these amazing people, they are my sponsors and I don't get enough time to appreciate them but deep down in me, everything they do means a lot to me.

They are people you won't regret interacting with on the platform, you can learn a whole lot of things from them.

The death of the popular Nigerian gospel singer known as Osinachi has resulted in lots of reactions on the internet, it is sad to know that another life ended as a result of domestic violence in marriage. Despite people teaching against it every day, the act doesn't look like it is reducing because it is happening every day. Not all results in death, some abuse in relationships has resulted in permanent damage to the lives of the victims.

Her case wouldn't have gone this viral if she wasn't a celebrity, I felt bad reading that she had been enduring this for a while before she met her end in the hands of the man that claims to love her.

I have seen a lot of reactions from people and this got me thinking that what would people have said if she divorced her husband before?

The society we live in today is terrible and I hope everyone understands what we are in the society. We are always quick to judge people because they are public figures, we think their life should be perfect.

Among those blaming the deceased for not leaving the marriage would have blamed her for quitting her marriage if she had done that earlier, it is easy to judge someone who is a spiritual leader and I feel that was what contributed to why she remained in the relationship.

It brings no joy to a person who knows that she will be living the rest of her life as a prisoner, and not quitting would be a great mistake because you don't want to be condemned by the public. I am in no way condemning the late singer but the truth must be told because a lot of people will still be victims of this same issue.

Your life is yours and enduring domestic violence in your relationship because of what people will think about you is a terrible thing to do, these same people will say naughty things about you when tragedy struck. There is no small or huge violence, the moment a man raises his hands at you just know you are signing up for a long time problem because it won't stop at once.

I saw a movie titled Thappad, the lady dedicated all her life to her husband. She quit pursuing her career because of her man and his family. The day came at a gathering hosted by the family, the husband got into a heated argument with someone. Everyone tried stopping him but he refused to stop, someone called his wife since she should be able to calm him but instead of listening to her, he slapped her hard.

Everyone was shocked and the guest left one after the other, the woman filed for a divorce and she stood on that despite everyone begging her not to do so.

She became a pompous woman to people but she knew it won't end there, men were holding the husband when he was exchanging words at the gathering. Why didn't he slap them, why was it the wife he slapped?

I don't know how you define love but it is supposed to bring peace, and happiness not punches or kicks. A relationship without peace or happiness is not worth staying in, a man who loves you wouldn't hit you for any reason.

The cases of abuse in relationships are becoming a norm in society today and I want to believe that the victims keeping silent about it is making things get worse every day. There are lots of organizations and public figures out there that will help you get justice, there is no point in suffering when you can set yourself free.

Keeping quiet means you have automatically condemned someone somewhere to being abused, speaking out would make other victims speak out and this means you are educating the younger generation on what to settle for and what not to take lightly in a relationship.

To stop this act from growing, I think there as to be laws protecting people from abuse in relationships. The law must come with serious punishment and even death depending on what the culprit has done but it is so unfortunate that the culprits still get away with the act.

Simple advice to every woman out there, please don't ignore this part.

Don't be too financially dependent on your husband:

I feel sorry for the girls of my generation who put all their life in their spouse's hands because one of the things that make people endure abuse is the fear of not being able to survive alone.

Learn a trade, learn skills and become independent, trust me when I say this is the first thing that gives you an edge in an abusive relationship.

Being a full housewife is never an option because he can become a beast over the night but because you don't have a dime to move on, you sit and endure the abuse which most times doesn't end well.

You can't change everyone.

We make the mistake of believing that we can change someone when going into a relationship, that's not true. There is a Yoruba saying that "Kosi bi ase fe se ebolo ti ko ni run igbe", which means that no matter how well you try to change someone - you can't completely change them, there will still be traces of that old habit.

As long as you know that you are not comfortable with him or her, don't hesitate to quick and there is no point in putting one's life on the line all in the name of believing that you change a person. What if he can't be changed, can you handle him?

Don't ignore the red flags.

A man wouldn't just kick you at once, it must have started with him showing serious anger while arguing.
He must have slapped you a series of times, these are signs you mustn't turn down.

If he is doing that to you now, the time will come when he will use his fist and hurt you so badly.

You don't have any reason to stay.

I have had kids for him, we built the house together, I made him successful, and so on, understand that those things only matter when we are still living.

There is no justified reason to stay in an abusive relationship, if you have done too much then file for divorce and let the law collect everything you have invested in the relationship back for. It is better to leave the relationship than to leave everything in the world behind if the abuse eventually results in death.

Don't be silent about it.

One thing that makes me still happy is the fact that there is still some act of humanity in us and the world wouldn't ignore your story when it comes to being a victim of abuse.
I was returning from the farm one day when I heard a female voice screaming for help, I called a few guys in the neighborhood and went in that direction. We got there and saw a guy trying to rape a schoolgirl, he got the beating of his life before being handed over to the police.

You are not in the world alone and people will come to your aid only if they know what's going on, don't shut your mouth and endure shit.

Parents have a lot of work to do because most of these things we are seeing today are what these adults learned when they were younger.

Men must learn to control their anger while women who are victims mustn't settle for it because while the male child is learning from his father that beating his wife is okay, the female child is learning that she must endure such a life.

I have met people defending abuse because they believe men also experience it. Violence is violence and the gender doesn't matter, what matters is how this act would be curbed.

To everyone who has lost their lives to domestic violence, may their soul rest in peace.

Some parts of this article first appeared here on my blog on Hive.

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