Messed up with my first love.

Love is a beautiful thing and before going into this post, I want to officially declare myself as the worst lover in the history of mankind. My love was recently redeemed by a lady who choose to stay regardless of how silly I was then and I believe she taught me to be a good lover, my first love story isn’t great but you might pick a lesson from it.

My mom was good at reminding us how she has been raising me and my siblings since childhood, she always reminds us not to put all her effort to waste because it would be a problem if one out of her four boys impregnate a girl since there were always girls around us. I don’t know who I inherited it from but I have been that caring guy even as a teenager and it made me have female friends, I was the guy's enemy and many confronted me on several instances to leave their girlfriend whereas there was nothing between us.

My first love was Temitope; she was in SS2 while I was in SS3. We usually met in the laboratory because I spend a lot of time there during breaks and free periods, she was intelligent and that was my kind of girl. Beautiful, tall and was good at athletics. We became friends because she was an active member of the Jet club while I was the president of the club, and I admire her a lot.

We read together very well and it made us very close, the closeness led to feelings and it grew quickly but I was too reluctant to tell her my mind. All her actions gave me the green light but I was scared of everything mom said about ruining my future, I was too focused on my studies.

There was a particular day we were practicing for an Inter-house sport; she was practicing for the high jump when she landed wrong. I ran to help her and everyone around saw my reaction; they knew I had extra care for her. After she was treated, we sat together and she kissed me while we were talking; it was a shy one because she looked away after that.

She confessed her feeling; I was about to confess mine when I remembered what my mom always said so I just told her that it's better we focused more on our studies. We continued to be friends and she was always around me during breaks and free periods, it was time for me to graduate and I still didn’t confess my affection for her. On the graduation day, she hugged me for over five minutes and she said it could be the last because I am going into a different world.

She was a year older and I loved her maturity, the way she presents things impressed me a lot. I told her I was going to keep in touch but it seems she saw the future, life after secondary became different. I had to support my mom financially, I got a job that kept me very busy and I was preparing for JAMB so I got soaked up in the stress and it created a gap.

We do communicate but it was just once in a while and she always told me how much she misses me. I couldn’t make it to the University two years after due to financial reasons and I started feeling her absence because she wasn't calling anymore except I do, I felt it was time to tell her how I felt but it was late.

I chatted her up and we discussed, I told her how I felt and she called immediately asking why I waited for that long before telling her. She said she harbored the love too much and it was affecting her because she knew I love but it seems I was taking her for a joke, my heart broke when she said she moved on. I tried telling her why I hesitated and she asked why did I thought it would just be about sex.

I felt stupid, we spoke a few times after that and I couldn’t reach her again. I was hurt, I felt bad because she had a special place in my heart. I had to let go of the feeling because not everything we want will be ours, some things are not just meant to be.

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