Difficulties and challenges life

I grew up with a pretty normal life. I had my mom and dad, brother and sister. We had our good times; we had our arguments. Eventually, at the age of 9, my parents separated. I stayed with my auntie and mom while my dad moved out with my brother and sister. Being the second Child, I was expected to lead by example. Everything was lined out so easily for me, a map for me to follow.

At school, I had taken the role of the wallflower - kind to everybody but not close enough to anyone particular to share my deepest feelings. I never understood the malice and bullying and didn't want my own words to come back and cut me from someone else's lips. It was easiest to remain quiet, unseen.

I never understood the obsessing over the latest trend - while I was dressed in jeans and the biggest sweatshirt in my closet, I could find. Any way for me to feel more invisible from the judgments of my peers and make me less noticed. They were skinny, dressed in the latest fashion, and outgoing - in my naive eyes, they had the world at their feet. I tried fitting in multiple ways but never found the ground I was meant to stand on.

After graduation, I found a group of misfits who accepted me. I ditched college and pursued a life of what I perceived as acceptance. I became skinny. I was noticed, even if it wasn't for the right reasons. I was told I looked good since I'd lost weight. I finally felt pretty.

In reality, 3 and a half years of abuse. A handful of times when I realized how frail life truly is. How quickly it could disappear so easily. A mind full of how I had let everyone down and that the life I chose was the life I deserved because who could love?

One day, it happened. I woke up, and my mind was my own again. As if I had woken from some long, strange dream. This life I was living was not mine. These people I had surrounded myself with were the demons making sure I didn't leave the Hell they had invited me to walk through with them.

But I escaped. I ran far away. I nursed my wounds and healed my body. I spoke uplifting words of patience, love, and undertsanding into my own heart; for I realized without love for myself I would never truly accept the love of those who had been there fighting for me this entire time.

And here I am today.

To speak my story and extend that love, understanding, and patience to those who have struggled in ways which with I am familiar, and to teach every single one of you I can reach that you are worth so much more than you credit yourself to be.

#4 blog April 9, 2022 1:10pm