Writing Prompt #2: Reflecting Eudora's line in MLBB

02-28-2022 | Gemini

Mobile Legend- Eudora's line (Author's Favorite)

While playing Mobile Legends using Eudora on classic game, I listened carefully to Eudora's line and I've come to realized to make reflection from it and relate it to myself. Eudora's line, are like a sharpened sword that really hits me inside, because most of her line really touched me.

Without further ado, let's begin.

"You should be ashamed for not trusting yourself."

I doubted myself on everything. I am thinking that I am not capable to do something different in my life. I don't know why, but until now I can't avoid myself to doubt my capability.

For example in dancing, some people say I'm good at it, but still I am confused if I should believe them or not? I don't trust my capability because I think, I can't be someone who's good in dance floor. If only I can be good enough, and if only I have confidence in me.

In singing, I don't know if I am good at it, maybe I can sing but cannot sing very well? I was once a member of our church before, and I am appointed to be the song leader every "Praise and Worship". Yes it is a great and fulfilling moment of my life, however when I look to the eyes of other people of my churchmate, it's like saying that I am not good in leading the choruses. Maybe, I do overthink? or it's true that I am not really good at it?

In writing, I don't know if I have the competence but I think, I don't have the skills and competency in writing any document or articles. (Even the writings I posted here in read.cash, I still doubt it). I don't think that I am good in writing because I don't have enough skills and passion to it. I just try this site, to test and enhance my grammar and seek for development.

I envy other people whose good in writing any articles, journals, and even a documentary reports. I hope, I can write something like how they did it.

I'm really ashamed of myself, because I can't even trust my capabilities, I doubted my skills and talents I have because I always think about what other people are thinking.

"The more your fear grows, the smaller you become."

I am afraid to take single actions everyday. Because I am afraid that other people will judge me from being incompetent in doing such things. I'm afraid to commit mistakes. I am always afraid to be judge by other people about my sexuality. I can't express myself to the extent that I can have a great happiness that I am always searching for.

I am afraid to take examinations, quizzes or oral recitation. I am afraid that other people will look down on me if I get low score or grades. I am afraid to be fail, because I don't want to hear hurtful words from my family. I don't want to hear and see them to regret that they let me to continue studying instead of looking for a job.

I am afraid to be alone, but I always choose to. Yes it is my fault, it was my choice but then, it kinda hurt me because I don't know whom I'm going to talk to if I need someone to lean on, to cry on because it's like I don't have people who will really care to listen. I do have friends, a good friends indeed, but still they have their own lives and problems as well, and I really don't want to bother them anyway.

"To change the world, start by changing yourself."

It is a note to myself that I have to surpass, I know it is now the time, but not yet the courage. I still don't have enough courage and trust in myself that I can be someone that other people will look up to. I am still in cage, thinking that I'm still weak.

I know we have different experiences and encounters everyday, but I hope you enjoy reading and thank you for spending time to finish reading this.

That's all for today, I just wrote what I am thinking right now and I don't know if you will understand me and my writings. I know I am not good at it and competent as well. I hope you will give me some advises and recommendation that will really help me to eradicate this feeling of not trusting myself.

I hope you had a great day today and God bless you read.cash family.

Love,

@Gemini07

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