It is okay for everyone to have doubt about themselves but we shouldn't allow it to weigh us down or have any negative impact on us. Doubt is bound to happen because I see it as a way of examining oneself again whether we have lost focus or we are still on track. But when the doubt is going to an extent by giving up then it is extremely dangerous and bad.
What brought about my doubt?
This week we are in,in my school is called a convocation week and is a lecture free week for all undergraduates. So I had the plan that I will use this week to cover up those courses I haven't touched since the beginning of the semester and also rest for the stress undergone so far. Well, I have tried my best covering up some courses and I also rested well. I have been inside my hostel since on Monday and I haven't stepped out to do anything except yesterday when I went to celebrate with my mummy sister who convocate yesterday on attaining her masters degree. So,we dine and party till afternoon then later go to my mum's place to get some food stuff because I don't have much to eat again. On my way coming, I was also informed my cousin was also convocating too,so I went there but I got there late and he was prepared to go home. We took pictures and I congratulate him and he left. I decided to stay behind and watch the program for some minutes. While I was waiting,I was seeing different people,they were happy and glad and I was thinking when mine would come and that's the next two years. At the same time, I saw people who were badge best graduating students from their department and that's where my doubts started to spring up, because their level of happiness was on another level compared to those who were convocating with second class upper and below. Their joy knows no bounds and I started thinking about my life too.
I haven't finished thinking about that when I came across the best graduating student for the whole school with CGPA of 4.98. My mouth was open for amazement for about 10 minutes, I couldn't close my mouth. That was when my biggest doubt started to show face, I doubted myself that;
Can I make it through education?
Can I also be like him?
Am I on the right track to make it?
Is this your plan for my current state lord?
So many doubts, questions and all that came through to my mind and I was on the verge of crying because I think I lost it all.
The doubt hasn't stopped there, not until I went back to my room and started sharing my thoughts and all that I saw at the convocation ground. They all contributed and gave different opinions of which gave me some confidence again.
They gave examples of different people they know who graduated with first class and are still yet to make it big,people who never go to school and are making it big,people who graduated with second class lower and those with pass and are making it very big in the country. I know of someone who only finished class VI ( 6) as they do call it back then and ever since he has been working, he has always been giving a top post in his working place.
So many examples that I can't mention were sighted and we concluded that we only need God's grace to make it in this life. Fine,we will work towards making it too, but grace covers it all. It was after all this, I also concluded that I needed to go back to my creator to ask for direction,because it is direction that I need to know exactly where I am going and know how to accomplish his plan for my life.
My doubt didn't just come only as at yesterday but also a few days back
I doubted myself on this platform also because I noticed my articles had not been visited by rusty for some days back and if at all he visited he only tip it with a low amount compared to the first day that he started visiting my article.I really did apprecaite all what he has been doing and i will never take it for granted. I felt I had lost it and what do I think I lost;
I thought I lost my content.
I thought I was not up to the standard that I started with.
I thought I am not getting right again on my articles
I started doubting to the extent that I had to reach out to one of my sponsors @Princessbusayo and told her how I feel because I noticed she hasn't been saying anything on my articles also. When she said all that happened and all,that was then I realized I am still on track and it happens sometimes. That was how I deleted the doubt I had towards my lost in content and all.
As I have said earlier, I see doubtness as a way to examine myself and check where I need to improve myself and also check where I need to let go of something that is not adding value to my life. Many might see doubtness the other way round that is, it might weigh them down. All I am trying to say is that we should have time to examine ourselves and look for what is needed to be added and deducted from our lives so as to make progress in this journey of life. Also, never forget to put GOD first in all we do,because he is the one to direct our step and always pray for grace in all ramifications of life. Grace speaks for us, even when we are not up to the standard people think we are, but we are up to the standard in God's sight. Grace speaks even when we have done little and not much at all.
I would like to round up at this point but I would like to appreciate you guys that have been supporting from day one,you guys are the best. My shoutout to my sponsors too @HappyBoyand @Princessbusayo you guys keep motivating me. I would never take all you have done for granted. I also appreciate the @TheRandomRewarder thanks for all you do. You can't be underrated and unappreciated in my life.
Byee for now😘😘😘.
8th of July, 2021.
I thing humans naturally think and doubts about it, maybe it's in our nature to doubt and doubt, but for me, I set my vission to straight and brave, my motto in life is "dont doubt, just do".